We don’t ask enough questions of ourselves. Although it is true ladies like to ‘challenge’ themselves, which is different than asking questions, it doesn’t help to change behavior. It is not unusual for a lady to say something like, “Now why did I do that,” when they think they have done something incorrectly. The emphasis in that kind of question is more of a self admonishment and doesn’t do much good. The idea is to learn from our mistakes, not beat ourselves up every time we make one. Until we train ourselves to be good students of ourselves we are effectively mean to ourselves. So I want to give you a list of intimate questions to ask yourself in your marriage with the intention of having a constant reminder of a better way to create a harmonious marital relationship. Put these questions in a place where you can see them until you’ve trained your mind to automatically respond affirmatively to them.

1. Do my actions express love to him?
2. Do I treat him like the finest man in the world?
3. Do I praise him to others?
4. Do I smile at him just because I love him?
5. Do I remind our children how blessed they are to have him as their father?

I know some of you will cry when you read these questions because you will realize how far you have come from when you stood on the altar and said, “I do.” It is never too late to rekindle the great love that is in your heart and direct it to the most important person in your life. When we don’t give our love in abundance, when we hold back because of some petty hurt or sense of unfairness, we are depriving ourselves of the greatest experience marriage can bring us. Instead of feeling like you are not getting enough out of your marriage, and thus turning yourself into a victim, do something about it. Turn your attention towards loving thoughts, speech and action. Ask yourself the kind of questions that inspire you to become a better person, a better parent, and most importantly the best spouse who ever lived. When your mind tells you, “It’s not fair,” tell your mind to behave. Give yourself credit for the good things that you do, which far outweigh the little mistakes that you make. Remember that your marriage is like a container: the more sweetener you put into it, the sweeter your marriage will be. The first chance you get, tell your spouse from the bottom of your heart, “I love you.”