People usually go to family counseling because one person is out of control and the rest of the family is suffering. How did that one person get out of control to begin with? The answer is almost always the same, yet rarely properly diagnosed. A lot of time and money could be saved, and emotional pain and suffering would end if people understood one another and realized that the family is meant to be the safest refuge in the world. Much of the family’s safety has been destroyed by the reduction of values, especially in the area of divorce. Far too many children are having to spend too much psychic energy on repairing their own lives when they should be absorbing the wisdom of their parents and community. We have many material things in our lives right now, but we’re missing out on some spiritual qualities. We are triune beings who are essentially spiritual but have turned our focus primarily to the material and psychological. We must discover our essence, which is love, and share it through our actions. When we do this with the person who seems out of control they will be helped. By consciously redirecting our time and energy to beneficial activities that are inclusive and loving we create security for the person or persons acting out because they feel deprived. Don’t criticize the person who is acting out. Try to understand the suffering they feel and hear their acting out as cries for love and acknowledgment. Nobody really wants to be bad but everybody really wants to be loved. Be the one that gives love. Be the one that gives support. You don’t need an expert to tell you in what ways your own children need to feel loved! And after you have given them love in abundance, give more. And never forget to say, “I love you.”