When to Divorce Quiz | The Marriage Foundation

Most people who think about getting a divorce, do so about the same way they planned their marriage; hardly at all. They, or you, have tasted marriage’s difficulties because you weren’t educated, and are now giving some thought to getting out. Or, it could be, your spouse is thinking about quitting, and you are wondering if you should go along with them thinking it will end the pain; or keep on fighting for your marriage.

Deep inside just about everyone knows it is a bad idea to give up on the one thing in life that is so important, but then you think “enough is enough.” Or, is it? Can your marriage be saved? How will the kids get through this? How will I get through this? Is divorce the right way to go? Can your marriage be saved even if you wanted to save it? Nothing seems to be simple right now!

About ten years ago I decided to save as many marriages as I could by using the principles of Eastern Psychology. No matter what stage of giving up they are going through, just about all the couples and individuals I helped were able to turn their marriages into marriages worth saving. My methods were not complex at all; it is all about education; like learning how to drive, redundant examples and practice. Still, there are some extreme conditions that make divorce the best choice for all.

There are no absolutes when it comes to making a decision of this magnitude, but at least you should be able to have some usable information before you plow ahead into turning yourselves and your kids into statistics. Trust me; if most people knew what they were doing before they got married they would have had a great marriage. So why not get the education now, and see if things can be improved?

Take this simple
“When to Divorce Quiz”
and see for yourself if you know enough or have considered enough

Look over the questions, choose the answer or answers that you believe correct, and click on it. Then also click the ones you think are wrong. I have tried to make this experience as educational as possible, not to make your life even more stressful… so go for it… my prayers are with you!

Blessings

Paul Friedman

Instructions:

1) Carefully read the question… there are no trick questions!

2) Pick out the answer you believe to be true, and the one you think is correct =)

3) Click on the wrong answers too, so you can see if you agree with the explanations

4) Count your correct answers!

1. What really happens to the children of divorce?

Kids adjust and adapt after a bit of time

Kids actually do better because the environment is no longer so crazy

The statistics are only happening to “other” people

Virtually everyone suffers. The statistics are very clear

Kids adapt, but are never as well off as kids from intact families. It makes no difference how old they are at the time of divorce. Imagine going to a hostile world with two body guards who turn on each other, or go their separate ways. No child is better off because of a divorce (one time disclaimer-some marriages are so toxic that it is completely necessary; just be sure you are not sure).

This myth of doing better is based on rare examples and has provided many strained couples with an excuse to go ahead with their divorce. Most who study marriage later on deeply regret what they did to their children. It is interesting that there are so many “experts” who claim they can help kids and couples adjust to the horrors of divorce, but they couldn’t they help them stay together!

The statistics (link to statistics) are brutal and cross every demographic boundary. We need usable education in every endeavor we pursue, especially marriage. If you are contemplating divorce it is a great time to consider marital education as a first step.

Over the years the statistics have shown that virtually all children from broken homes do less well than children from intact families. That is the least of their problems. There is higher drug and alcohol use, suicide rates and future psychological problems.

2. What are the main causes of divorce?

Divorce is caused by too many things to pinpoint one or two main causes

There are two underlying causes and a third less common cause

Everyone knows that financial problems, infidelity and bad communication are the main culprits

The principles that make marriage a simple, though at times difficult, relationship to master are the same principles that, when ignored, will eat away at even the strongest relationships. If you drop a glass the principle of gravity will bring it to the floor. The texture of the glass will insure its shattering. If the first two principles are kept in mind everything bad can be prevented; same for marriage. The principles needed to be kept in mind for marriage are simple and must be learned before you can claim to have tried everything.

The killers that destroy every single marriage are 1) Over familiarity 2) Poor communication skills and 3) Selfish expectations. Learning all about these killers and how to avoid them is as important as a pilot learning about winds and storms or a driver learning about the rules of the road.

What appear to be final straws are merely symptoms brought about by poor judgment. But don’t feel guilty! There is no common source for educating ourselves about relationships, marriage or raising children. Learning about the principles needed for a happy marriage is not as difficult as learning to drive, but far more important.

3. What if my spouse does not want to work on our marriage?

It is impossible to control the mind of another person so this is one time that calling it quits makes perfect sense

Sometimes you just have to figure out how to manipulate, seduce or cajole someone who has lost their way

Usually the one who seeks help is the one who has been subverting the marriage and the other partner is over it. For this reason the person seeking help has the motivation to change. Striving to become an ideal spouse without expectations is the key to success

One of the great false sayings for marriage is “it takes two to Tango.” In the vast majority of cases it is the partner who is seeking help who is the one causing most of the marital problems. Don’t want to hear it? Those brave enough to look at their own behaviors and attitudes in contrast to what they are willing to learn about marriage usually shift everything into a positive trend when they decide not to give up.

Learning how to control another person is the opposite of what is needed. It is hard enough to control our own mind and essential we respect our partner’s free will. Instead we can become the kind of person both they and you will want to be with

This observation is considered true by most counselors, coaches and therapists. One sincere spouse can change everything and, through patience recreate an ideal marriage