It does not matter if you are getting married for the first, second, or the third time. If you are not afraid to get married it means you are either well prepared, or you are crazy.
The statistics will not make you feel good about marriage. Over half of first marriages are statistically going to fail, and the divorce rate for second and third marriages are even worse! Why do people keep getting in line to get married when the odds of failure are so great? Would you get on an airplane if half of them crashed?
Don’t get me wrong. I am NOT trying to talk you out of marriage; not at all. I am the biggest proponent of marriage on the planet. But I am also the biggest proponent of knowing what you are doing before you do it; especially if there is potential danger.
4 Ways To Not Be Afraid To Get Married
- Know your intended very well. Ever gone out with someone for few dates and then they show themselves? Then you realize they are not who you want to be with? Well, some people are so good at hiding things, and putting up a false front, that it takes a long time before you really know them. It is a huge reason for putting off sex, but that is another topic altogether!
- Know YOURSELF very well. This is not some new-age hype. If you did not create a list for yourself of who you want to be with, then a list of what you are like, so you could work on changing yourself, you probably do not know yourself very well. Ever here about people “growing” apart? It does not have to happen. You can grow together; but the key word is “grow”.
- Focus on your friendship. Wow! This is SO important! Romance is fun, but is not what marriage is all about. Connection is what marriage is all about; mutual respect, mutual consideration, and things like that; all about friendship. Anyone who gets married because they are “so in love”, might as well start looking for a good divorce lawyer right now.
- Know what you are doing!!! Did I just over emphasize that? NO, I dd not! I began as a divorce mediator, simultaneously worked as a divorce consultant, and finally realized people needed scientific ways to understand marriage. In my book, Breaking The Cycle, I show there is a science to marriage; you do not have to wing it.
If you are getting married for the second time (or third), that is a good book for you to read. But, if this is your first marriage you need to learn about marriage so it is your last marriage. For you I will twist your arms until you sign up for our premarital program. Hey, you will be happily married if you take my advice, and you will never hear me say “I told you so”.