Discover the revolutionary practical science of marriage through the inspiring journey of Paul Friedman, a former successful San Diego divorce mediator. ExploreĀ articlesĀ and videos by Paul, available onĀ YouTube, covering a wide range of topics to help individuals rediscover lost happiness in their failing marriages.
Oftentimes a troubled marriage is not one that is close to divorce but merely needs some good marriage advice. Over the years I have found that these seven secret saviors of a troubled marriage that Iām sharing with you now, have proven to be just what the doctor ordered. Naturally, because the world is so confused about marriage in general, due to western psychology having so much input, it would also help you to read one of my books. Either Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for a Happy Marriage so you get a good feel of what a good marriage is supposed to look like. What I share with you now, and always, is not theoretical but is based on experience that spans 23 years of helping marriages either; a little bit or saving marriages that are in real trouble. I also suggest that you go to our website and download the 10 top dos and don’ts for marriage. They will help you, too. Remember, you got married for happiness, love, and harmony. So let those be your guiding polestars.
#1 Go back to being the you they knew before you got married
Remember when you dated, and you looked for any opportunity to praise your newfound soulmate? Well, it worked then, and it will work now. Praising your soulmate is not a way to flatter them into doing what you want, it truly reflects how we should always be thinking of them and about them. Overwhelming any negative thoughts that creep in with right thoughts of how wonderful they are. In other words, direct your thinking in the right direction, toward heartfelt gratitude that we married them and love them. Especially when you donāt feel like it, that is the time to shift the mind, smile, and remind them how handsome or beautiful they are and how happy you are to be together.
#2 Ignore the āProblemsā Between You
Yes, I know this runs contrary to what every therapist and traditional marriage counselor will tell you but that’s because western psychological approach to marriage is a āfind the problems and fix themā approach. NO! You should NOT talk things out. That will only bring your attention to what your spouse is doing that bugs you and then they will naturally reciprocate and, BAM! You are in a full-fledged no-winner, no-win, argument and both of you will walk away frustrated and angry. The best thing for you to do is challenge your own motivation, making sure you are doing your best to express only love, and understanding, remembering they have free will and their opinions are theirs and so are all fine.
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#3 Donāt Trust Your Mind, Love Is In Your Heart
Marriage is a very special relationship that is based in love and should be lived in love. So as soon as your mind starts coming up with this or that reasoning bring it back to how much you love them how much you need them how much you appreciate them and how much you want to be with them. The mind cannot experience love it’s too big for the mind. Yeah love is the most expansive state of consciousness that any of us ever experience. So why not stay in that consciousness of love all the time and not just when you’re in an amorous mood. This alone will completely change your life and your marriage.
#4 Recall How Much You Love Them
There are ups and downs in all of our lives, and in ourĀ marriage help courses, you would learn about marriage from the bottom up and part of that is learning how to control the mind so it doesn’t distract you from the original love that you felt when you got married. It is a good idea to stop and remember how beautiful or handsome they are, how deeply you love them, and what it is you truly want, to be immersed in love and happiness. Then, using your free will, you can redirect yourself.
#5 Keep Your Marriage a Secret
The unintended marriage educators in our world are the movies and sitcoms we watch. Itās true, and sad. In the days when I first began helping couples I worked with movie stars, screenwriters, directors, and many well-known folks in Hollywood. They were all very sensitive and loving and tried to be cutting-edge, but they live in a make-believe world and are also conned by the stories they act in, which are way too Western psych oriented. So, remember that your marriage is all about only the two of you and your lives are not to be shared with anyone. There is no upside to sharing your intimate life. If you run out of things to discuss with your girlfriend (not being sexist, just real) you can discuss Shannaās new boyfriend.
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#6 Make Monday Special
Most people look forward to Fridays and all I can tell you is that when you have your own special day, that nobody else has, and itās the start of the week, it is like adding burning fragrant candles to set the mood. But here you are setting the mood for the week!
#7 Sex Is Sacred so Have it Often
There is so much controversy over when, how, how often, and all that because, to be perfectly candid, sex is as misunderstood as platypuses. To keep it simple, sex is not about getting off or fancy positioning. It is about connecting with your soulmate by using your body. Too many use it as a form of masturbation or recreation. Some therapists say its okay to openly talk about imagining someone else…how insane is that?? Well, the TMF marriage counselors we train would never be so dumb. Marriage is sacred, your communication is sacred, and your physical intimacy is sacred.