Don’t Forget Why You Got Married
Marriage is supposed to be, is literally designed to be, happy. The day of your wedding was supposed to be a step over a threshold, from single life to a completely new and better kind of life. One shared with your best friend…forever! This premise is where we want you to begin. Why are you living like cellmates instead of soulmates?
To be helped you have to agree with the premise that marriage is supposed to bring happiness; more than anything else in your life.
Most people in difficulty have a hard time agreeing with this; at first. But think about it. You were never made aware of the challenges, or how to navigate them. More importantly, you only had a vague idea of the true benefits of marriage. If you knew it would be impossible to have gotten to where you are now.
When lived correctly, marriage is self-righting, no matter what you go through!
The above is critical. There is no need to “rub it in”, or cast “blame”. No, it is not about blaming you, your spouse, or both of you. All you need is to see marriage for what it is meant to be, and how to live it.
Our approach is positive! With your eye on a goal of your happy marriage you take the simple and progressive steps to get there.
What about the “reasons” why you seek help now?
We have five ways to help you; our articles, online help from a TMF counselor, our program, and two separate books. But it is our online program that is most effective, because it takes you from A to Z, without analyzing what you may already know, or not know.
The very first thing we concentrate on in our online marriage help program is ending the current destructive behaviors. Our unique and powerful SEW technique is taught right away, in the first few online videos, so you have the ability to make fast and steady progress; and you will. The SEW technique is amazing. It gives you the ability to see your automatic reactions from an objective place, and control them. By using this technique you put the brakes on the slide. In most cases this creates a fresh start.
Our books explain the 3 killers of marriage so you can know which behaviors have been undermining your happiness. When marriages are not in “critical condition” Lessons For A Happy Marriage is usually enough; especially for those who have had a mostly good and loving marriage.
Breaking The Cycle is “deeper” and organized as a teaching tool for marriage professionals. But Lessons for a Happy Marriage is still very effective.
Everything we teach, because we want you to be capable of having a great marriage, is based in scientific principles. We do not give “advice” so much, as we show you the cause and effects of actions. So much is pure common sense! But some of what you learn is less “intuitive”, but is still cause and effect. The end game is for you to feel comfortable trusting yourself so you can be responsible for your own happiness.
A properly functioning marriage produces happiness beyond any happiness one could achieve from material possessions, or in any other way.
It is important to have a clear pathway to happiness.
Learn how to express yourself better to communicate you are loving and supportive. Its not all about communication, of course, but that is a big part of making your marriage a life you love to love.
Also learn how trendy ideas are often either useless or destructive. Some current ideas about communication work against the goals of happiness. They are ideas invented by angry people who are still looking for themselves. You don’t need more negativity. You need to go back to what got you married in the first place’ love!
Core Ideas And Ideals Of Marriage Are Beautiful
Learn how to re-establish love as your marital vision, making it your polestar; so all your actions are guided by a singular desire for happiness through unconditional love. All your thoughts and actions should move you towards that goal.
In all ways our approach is positive. You deserve a marriage that is incomparable, where nothing else in your life brings you as much happiness.
Couples counseling is not the right approach
We are respectful of professionals who sincerely try to help couples in difficulties. But more times than not
marriage counseling doesn’t work because couples still do not understand the goals.
In 2011 Paul Friedman began teaching licensed marriage counselors who wanted to blend these teachings in with their own efforts. Dr. Timothy Dunnigan who was in the first group is now the director of counselors for the foundation. Under his direction, we hire only licensed marriage counselors and ordained ministers to supplement our teachings.
Our counselors are the cream of the crop! Before they are certified and hired they learn the teachings very well and prove their adherence.
The bottom line is the only acceptable marriage is a happy marriage, which is continuously growing in happiness. Any other result from marriage is due to failure to follow the operating principles that are revealed by these teachings.