Our success surpasses the results of conventional marriage counseling and other forms of marriage help; and we humbly appreciate the acknowledgements.
There are 4 basic elements to our approach
1 – Our SEW Technique
This technique is the biggest difference in our program, and the key to YOUR marital happiness!
2 – Our simple explanations of how best to generally function in your marriage
For many this is a much needed reminder of how marriages work best. We cover communication, intentions, self and mutual respect, dealing with issues that come up and many other crucial topics. We also explain how to get beyond current issues that are what we call fire issues.
3- Your efforts at mastering the SEW technique
We know your marriage is in your hands, and the hands of your spouse. Our approach re-empowers you, as an individual, to bring life and happiness back in, so your life is filled with the happiness that marriage promises.
4- Marriage experts ready to help you
Our experts are ready to work with you as much as you need. As a nonprofit, non religous organization dedicated to helping marriages we strive to give you all you need to succeed.
What’s important to us are the long term benefits your marriage will gain from our program. We made everything:
Simple – Anyone can understand what we present.
Practical – Everything is logical and usable.
Spiritual, not religous – Marriage is about spiritual love. Our approach is fine for any religion, or no religion.
Lofty aspirations – Marriage is not a common relationship. We present its true magnificence.
We believe in marriage. We believe in you. You can definitely achieve the marriage you should have; filled with happiness! You don’t have to settle for a difficult marriage, or one you have to work at all the time. You can achieve the best.
It doesn’t matter what current troubles are staring you in the face. We know marriage is literally designed to be the happiest part of your life. Didn’t you got married to be happy?
What is NOT part of our approach is as every bit as important to a successful marriage as what is in it.
Timing is everything. And most people wait too long before addressing the reality of unhappiness in their marriage. Usually it is not before something pretty big has occurred. It could be a realization of declining feelings. It could be an affair, or feeling overwhelmed by disinterest; sexually, or just connecting.
Because our founder was a divorce mediator he heard all the stories that lead up to divorce. He knew the agony, and thinly veiled desperation people felt because of what led them to seek the end of their marriage.
But he learned something critical from that experience. No matter what the backstory was, it was not important to moving a marriage forward. The past mistakes were, as the term implies
In the past
Paul’s process, which we still use to this day, began with an agreement; “Lets leave the past in the past. Instead, lets learn the way forward.”
Paul began his sessions differently than other marriage professionals. He began by defining the pathway out of the craziness, and upwards towards happiness.
No matter how much someone wanted to rehash events, or talk about how things made them feel, or what life lessons they might have picked up in childhood that they thought brought them to crisis, Paul was adamant.
“I will show you how to go forward, and the past mistakes will not haunt your future.”
The stories he tells us in private are almost funny, if not for the seriousness of saving marriages. But he would allow some people to speak their piece, and then ask them “how in the world can sharing that possibly help your marriage?” And they would see Paul smile and realize he was right.
Going over your past events is one of the worst things you can do if you are serious about healing your marriage.
- Your mind will exaggerate the negative, digging your hole deeper still.
- Hearing yourself speak it out loud makes it more real, and so more difficult to overcome.
- Rehashing the past means you are not moving forward. One direction at a time is how we go.
- There is no such thing as “justice” within the context of marriage. You are “one” (but you forgot).
- You live where your thoughts are, so you will get stuck emotionally and energetically.
So, our approach focuses entirely on the future of your personal and married lives. We do not go backwards, imagining it will help you. The idea of psychotherapy for marriage is, at the end of the day, kind of silly.
Marriages are never healed by unearthing inner issues; never! Our program guarantees you a fresh start. Unburdening you from the past is sometimes hard enough!
Our Approach Is “Positive”
It all starts with our SEW technique
Paul discovered a “missing piece” lacking in even the best marriage help. Even when people know exactly what they should do, what they need to do, what they must do, they are often unable to make the changes they must.
Do you need examples? Because there are plenty of them
- Smokers who know they will die if they don’t quit
- Chronic eaters who know they will die if they don’t curb their aappitite
- Pot smokers who have to pass urine tests for their job, but smoke anyway
- Drinkers who already have a DUI, but drive drunk anyway
- Men who love their wife, but stay on dating sites
- Women who love their husbands, but can’t stop criticizing them (no, its not the same)
We can go on and on, but the simple point is this; Self control is very difficult to achieve. In order to overcome this universal problem, Paul Friedman, our founder, invented the SEW technique (in 2003).
Everyday we get emails like this one
“Well dating sites destroyed my relationship. I can’t quit getting on them promise after promise I broke and now she’s left me for good. My kids and her were my everything. I wanted to quit the sites so bad I don’t know why I couldn’t” We know why and Paul understood why.
Without having a method to gain leverage over your habits, it is nearly impossible to make the changes you must. Even when you KNOW you are doing wrong, your entrenched habits own you. That is why learning the SEW technique is the first step in our approach (in our program).
How else can anyone move forward if they just do what they always did?
The SEW technique is the “hardest” part of our program. But it sets the stage for success where it would have otherwise been impossible. And it will make your marriage a treasure and pleasure that you do not have to work at.
Here is what a recent client said soon after starting our program
” I’ve been SEWing non-stop and it is helping me maintain my inner Peace. I’ve also been praying …”
Our approach is to start you on the SEW technique, and only afterwards present actual ways to reform and then build your marriage.
Her marriage improved so much that her husband was soon convinced she is the woman he loved and loves; and he too signed up.
As is the case with almost everyone, she initially thought it was all him, but was willing to do what it takes to save her marriage. She discovered it was not all him, and so he then saw it was not all her.
There was more correspondence that showed a few ups and downs (everyone has ups and downs in the beginning), but then, a few weeks later, we got this from her
“Well, I have to say that if I hadn’t personally witnessed it for myself, I would not believe it possible. In 4 weeks, my husband has made a complete 180 and recommitted to me on our 12th anniversary yesterday. I told him that 13 is a lucky number and this is going to be the best year yet!
He wants to do the couples program with me (we do not have a “couples” program where both take the same course) and maybe the men’s for himself. We have a long way to go to ensure that current behaviors become permanent habits, but it is definitely all in controlling the mind. I can’t wait to finish the rest of the program and how can I not possibly share this with my friends???!!! … How can I add on the Couples Program?”
The second step in our approach is presenting what kills marriages. These three killers of marriage revealed by Paul Friedman are explained in great depth, so there is no question about why they kill.
Most of society calls out surface things like money, or infidelity, and vague “irreconcilable differences”. But Paul shows them to be symptoms. The real killers of marriage are mostly hidden, underlying all the terrible things we do to each other; usually without thinking (that’s where SEW comes in).
The third step in our approach is the fun stuff. We explain what Paul calls The Sacred Space of Marriage. Isn’t that sweet sounding?
Marriage is designed to be happier than any other anything in life. Why not really set it apart, as it should be? Paul coined that phrase because marriage is not gloomy sacred, but joyful sacred. When you have harmony and happiness as your goal, and learn the myriad tools and methods he came up with for day-to-day married life; communication, etc. you will have the ideal marriage.
Our approach is positive! With your eye on a goal of your happy marriage you take the simple and progressive steps to get there.
What about the addressing the “reasons” you are seeking help now?
Our online program is most effective, because it starts with the SEW in a way that you cannot avoid learning, and guides you through all your steps. But we have five ways to help you; our articles, online free help from a TMF expert, two incredible books that covers marriage as a whole, and our program.
Within our approach is practical recognition of our differences. Politics have nothing to do with marriage. Men and women are not the same. So Paul created two different programs, for either gender.
Marriage is a union between two human beings who are the way they are mostly because of their gender programming. (Even in same sex marriages). We make sure you understand each other, and yourselves, based on those forces of nature. It absolutely makes a huge difference!
The 5th part of our approach is common sense. We have experts in our methods and philosophies who you can connect with any time. This has made a big difference for people who are struggling with things they cannot cope with.
The very first thing in our online marriage help program is to curtail, and bring to an end, the current destructive behaviors so you have the ability to make fast and steady progress; and you will. The SEW technique is amazing. By using this technique you put the brakes on the slide. In most cases this creates a fresh start.
When marriages are not in “critical condition” Lessons For A Happy Marriage is sometimes enough; especially for those who have had a mostly good and loving marriage.
Breaking The Cycle is “deeper” and organized as a teaching tool for marriage professionals.
Everything we present, because we want you to be capable of having a great marriage, is based upon scientific principles.
We do not give “advice” so much. We explain the cause and effects of actions. Some of what you learn is less “intuitive”. Still, it is cause and effect.
It is important to have a clear pathway to happiness.
Its not all about communication, of course, but that is a big part of making your marriage a life you love to love.
Many trendy ideas are often either useless or destructive. Some current ideas about communication work against the goals of happiness. You don’t need more negativity. You need to go back to what got you married in the first place’ love!
Core Ideas And Ideals Of Marriage Are Beautiful
Our approach is to focus exclusively on your marital vision, making it your polestar; so all your actions are guided by a singular desire for happiness through unconditional love. All your thoughts and actions should move you towards that goal.
In all ways our approach is positive. You deserve a marriage that is incomparable, where nothing else in your life brings you as much happiness.
Couples counseling ?
In 2011 Paul Friedman began teaching licensed marriage counselors who wanted to blend these teachings in with their own efforts.
Our specialists are certified and hired only after they learn the teachings and demonstrate their ability to effectively advise individuals who use our services. However we don’t believe in a therapeutic approach to marriage. Our coaches adhere to a strict code of conduct.
The bottom line is this
The only acceptable marriage is a happy marriage, which is continuously growing in happiness
Any other result from marriage is due to failure to follow the operating principles that are revealed by these teachings. Nobody should settle for a life of living like cellmates instead of soulmates.