“A good marriage book should be useful,
not just entertaining or interesting.”
We never hear the word revolutionary in regards to a marriage book. But the way Breaking The Cycle unravels the “mysteries” of marriage is indeed revolutionary. What makes it so is its usefulness.
The system of marriage-help presented, because it is a “system”, makes what one must do, and not do, so within reach. Marriage experts around the world agree that in years to come the insights and solutions written in this treasure, and taught in the marriage help programs will be the guiding principles for all marriage help.
Breaking The Cycle begins with a positive approach. Then, shows that marriage is purposeful, not just “something we do”. Describing why and how people get married to satisfy their primary human needs for love, and family, this book brings the reader through the universal principles of marriage with great instruction. Illustrated with comprehensive, yet easy to understand scientific examples, ideas are spelled out in ways that are pure, unadulterated, common sense.
But what truly sets this book apart is how the Paul Friedman breaks down the unconscious causes for every action, then shows us how to heal our marriage by imbuing new actions with marriage’s purposes as the motivation; it is all about love.
Rather than a “do this, don’t to that”, kind of book, the Paul artfully includes that which is missing in virtually every other marriage help process; usable ways and methods to redirect our thinking and actions. The tools to improve your marriage are extraordinary in their practical ease of use. The explanations and solutions presented are relevant for all marriages and all people.
“I read Breaking the Cycle every day, and will continue doing so until all these principles become a part of me.”
The above quote is from a successful veteran marriage and family therapist in New Jersey. A growing list of marriage therapists throughout the world consider Breaking The Cycle the most useful tool in their arsenal. It was written primarily for therapists as a training tool for our TMF certification program, along with our marriage help program. Still, it was also intended to be understood by normally educated people. Every idea and suggestion is intricately explained, so the science of marriage is irrefutable. This is NOT a book of trendy ideas! It explains the opportunities for success in marriage as has never has been done before.
Whereas most marriage help practitioners and their books focus on repair it or end it, Breaking The Cycle “compels” and encourages you, guiding you to tap into your own wisdom, so you behave in positive, marriage-friendly ways. By demonstrating the clear rewards of beneficial behaviors, rather than by moralizing or using threats, you will do what is right because you want to, not because you are forced. The analogies often used are wonderful, and thought provoking. Rather than telling the reader “do this, don’t do that” you learn how some behaviors are like driving off a cliff, but you do not know how far down the bottom is until it is too late. The style is engaging and the lessons are always profound.
Breaking The Cycle, the 2nd of Paul Friedman’s books, is more detailed
Paul wrote Breaking The Cycle about the same time he began The Marriage Foundation as a nonprofit. He realized there is a great need to spread the unique and positive methods through other marriage experts and teach them “out of the box” methods and ideas that drive towards marital happiness. His purely positive approach, coupled with his deep love for people, opened the door for marriage experts everywhere to learn our approach to marriage.
His first book, Lessons For A Happy Marriage, was, and remains, very successful because it addresses the core issues. However it is not detailed enough for professionals. Individuals and couples should decide for themselves which book they feel more comfortable with.
Here are actual excerpts from Breaking The Cycle.
“Never give up
Your marriage is not over. Nor should you believe it is even close, even though it may feel that way with all you have been through, and are still going through.
From now on, to the best of your ability, you can live according to positive marital principles. As your understanding and abilities improve, so will your marriage. All your good intentions, even if your past eﬀorts have not always been the right kind, still count as an investment into your marriage. With your everyday eﬀorts more in synch with the right kind of thinking, your lives will improve. Do not give up.”
“Marriage is not a set-up for suﬀering and failure. It is a set-up for fulﬁllment
Yes, your fears are perfectly understandable, and it is not really your fault that you would be uncertain. Everything on the outside of your marriage, from divorce trends to gross misunderstandings of marriage relationships, pushes couples into feelings of discouragement and hopelessness. Couples are surrounded by doom and gloom stories, so they do not realize how simple it is to bring back and actually rejuvenate a troubled marriage. And to make matters worse, people in trouble are mislead into thinking divorce is a “positive” option. If not for the blitz of misinformation, the vast majority of hurting families would never contemplate divorce for a minute, but would put all their attention on solutions, as they should.”
“You will have success by moving in the right direction, with determination
Putting an end to all the misbehaviors takes a bit of time, but we don’t want this to take years, or even months. So you need to put in a lot of upfront eﬀort. At the same time you have to get started on getting the joys your marriage has to oﬀer.
Your marriage is alive, and it will heal. If you follow our guidance it will heal faster than you can imagine. But there is no getting around the fact you have to deal with the reality of a marriage ﬁlled with hurt, anger, frustration and weariness. You can’t just skip the steps you have to take to end the scourge of the killers.”
“You have to control your tongue! You also have to control your mind, too! This is not airy fairy! You have to work at this with all your might! Success without eﬀort does not even work out when you are dreaming.
Remember the eclipse eﬀect? Nothing reduces the good feelings from a compliment as surely as an insult or slight that comes afterward. So keep the little digs out, too. They may seem funny to you, or “innocent”, but your marriage is not a sitcom. Ending all the abuses you currently extend to your spouse, in every overt or subtle way, complaining or criticizing or whatever; will open the doors wide for all kinds of happiness. You have to stop the misbehaviors!”
Testimonials From Amazon
“…I don’t trust the psychiatric profession. I saw how they wasted a hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars trying to “fix” my ex-wife and me. Yet, before I even finished reading the book, I started using methods taught in the book that worked over and over again. This book doesn’t use tricks. It gives me an understanding of how to make a marriage work…”
“Easily the best book I’ve ever read on saving your marriage, and actually one of the best self-help books I have ever read — on ANY subject. Breaking The Cycle is well-written, with thoughts expressed in a fresh, cogent, sensible manner…”
“This isn’t a let’s find that romance that we once lost book. It isn’t a book that will make you want to stair lovingly into your partners eyes as you turn the pages. This book wont make you want to go out and buy your partner a sweet gift to profess your love once more. This book is a tell-it-like-it in marriage manual. It kind of reminds me of the Five Languages of love, except not nearly as complicated (and the five languages isn’t even that complicated, so that should tell you something). The Marriage Foundation is easily understood, easy to navigate to, and straight to the point…
Testimonials From Barnes & Noble
“…What a transformation for me! Instead of being a victim to my habit thoughts, I can transform myself. This is incredibly empowering.
We should have been taught these things in school – in a how to live class! This book is truly about educating us all in how to create a successful marriage…”
“…I have been a Licensed Psychologist since 1989. I witnessed the failure of conventional couples advice and counseling for the vast majority of troubled marriages.
Breaking The Cycle presents commonsense methods and principles that light the path for couples to achieve highly fulfilling marriages…”
“…I have read this book several times. When I started, I was single. Even though the book is geared more toward people in troubled marriages, I found the education to be foundational to my now-amazing relationship with the love of my life. We are engaged to be married and both she and I practice the principles taught in this book, which I’ve never seen or heard of anywhere else even though they seem like common sense!”
Some individuals begin their path to a happy marriage by reading Breaking The Cycle, and then they move on to the marriage help program for a more focused approach. Naturally the program is the best way to heal a marriage; period. But unless a marriage is in absolute free fall this book will give you all the tools you will ever need.