BREAKING THE CYCLE
by Paul Friedman
Reading Breaking The Cycle one quickly grasps that all be well, that they are receiving much more than just a pep talk or cute set of ideas. It digs into the science, spirituality, and common sense of marriage. You will realize that marriage isn’t a mystery to solve, that it only requires an ‘operating manual’.
Paul originally wrote this to help educate marriage professionals who wanted to incorporate our revolutionary approach to marriage within their practices. We currently have an online marriage counselor training course delivered by our founder, Paul Friedman, but 10 years ago It served as their text book as they met in person.
There are numerous premises upon which this treatise was formulated. Here are a few:
This book sets higher and more realistic expectations for soulmates to live in harmony and happiness in their marriage (we include those who have no formal marriage agreement).
Breaking The Cycle is the beginning of a new age of marital awareness where marriage is recognized as Paul defines it “An individual spiritual path that two soulmates take together”. All other approaches to marriages pale in comparison.
Paul originally wrote this to help educate marriage professionals who wanted to incorporate our revolutionary approach to marriage within their practices. We currently have an online marriage counselor training course delivered by our founder, Paul Friedman, but 10 years ago It served as their text book as they met in person.
There are numerous premises upon which this treatise was formulated. Here are a few:
- When marriage is understood, as one understands anything we want to do well, and is operated according to its design, it delivers the intended results. We marry for happiness and love. This book illustrates the way to live within your marriage.
- There are unique and necessary skills to learn, such as marital communication, which is different from ordinary communication, that scientifically brings happiness and love to the fore.
- Marriage is NOT work when it is understood and lived according to its design.
This book sets higher and more realistic expectations for soulmates to live in harmony and happiness in their marriage (we include those who have no formal marriage agreement).
Breaking The Cycle is the beginning of a new age of marital awareness where marriage is recognized as Paul defines it “An individual spiritual path that two soulmates take together”. All other approaches to marriages pale in comparison.
Breaking The Cycle is the beginning of a new age of marital awareness where marriage is recognized as Paul defines it “An individual spiritual path that two soulmates take together”. All other approaches to marriages pale in comparison.
"I've not completed the reading yet but I recognize myself in the pitfalls described. The text seems to force you to see what you wouldn't or couldn't. Maybe the book is enough but I (we) may need the full course. I don't want to give up!"
- Jim Edge
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
We offer an online course which is more appropriate for individuals in seriously troubled marriages.
Breaking The Cycle is Paul Friedman's Second Marriage Book
Paul Friedman was a successful divorce mediator in San Diego when one of his clients asked him to help them save their marriage instead of distributing their assets and undoing their family. He knew that therapy was not going to work, that’s where all his clients for divorce came from. His preliminary research was focused on practical success, and positive outcomes. What Paul discovered was no less radical than when early scientists discovered the world is not flat. Paul dropped his practice completely. He started to save families, one individual at a time, testing and learning. After 3 years he wrote his first book, Lessons For A Happy Marriage.
In 2009 at the behest of a fellow mediator Paul founded The Marriage Foundation as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. Our free videos, articles and affordable offerings has made The Marriage Foundation a one stop for marriage teachings that are effective. We are fulfilling a great need, to spread our unique and positive discoveries, to teach methods and ideas that actually work in order to help anyone achieve marital happiness. We are spiritual but not religion based, nor our practices are not based in western psychological ideas. Paul’s definition of marriage is simple. “Marriage is an individual spiritual path that two soulmates take together.” We are all about marital success. It is possible for anyone.
In 2009 at the behest of a fellow mediator Paul founded The Marriage Foundation as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. Our free videos, articles and affordable offerings has made The Marriage Foundation a one stop for marriage teachings that are effective. We are fulfilling a great need, to spread our unique and positive discoveries, to teach methods and ideas that actually work in order to help anyone achieve marital happiness. We are spiritual but not religion based, nor our practices are not based in western psychological ideas. Paul’s definition of marriage is simple. “Marriage is an individual spiritual path that two soulmates take together.” We are all about marital success. It is possible for anyone.
Excerpts From Breaking The Cycle
“Never give up. Your marriage is not over. Nor should you believe it is even close, even though it may feel that way with all you have been through, and are still going through. From now on, to the best of your ability, you can live according to positive marital principles.
As your understanding and abilities improve, so will your marriage. All your good intentions, even if your past efforts have not always been the right kind, still count as an investment into your marriage.
With your everyday efforts more in sync with the right kind of thinking, your lives will improve. Do not give up.”
As your understanding and abilities improve, so will your marriage. All your good intentions, even if your past efforts have not always been the right kind, still count as an investment into your marriage.
With your everyday efforts more in sync with the right kind of thinking, your lives will improve. Do not give up.”
“Marriage is not a set-up for suffering and failure. It is a set-up for fulfillment Yes, your fears are perfectly understandable, and it is not really your fault that you would be uncertain. Everything on the outside of your marriage, from divorce trends to gross misunderstandings of marriage relationships, pushes couples into feelings of discouragement and hopelessness. Couples are surrounded by doom and gloom stories, so they do not realize how simple it is to bring back and actually rejuvenate a troubled marriage. And to make matters worse, people in trouble are mislead into thinking divorce is a “positive” option. If not for the blitz of misinformation, the vast majority of hurting families would never contemplate divorce for a minute, but would put all their attention on solutions, as they should.”
“You will have success by moving in the right direction, with determination Putting an end to all the misbehaviors takes a bit of time, but we don’t want this to take years, or even months. So you need to put in a lot of upfront effort. At the same time you have to get started on getting the joys your marriage has to offer. Your marriage is alive, and it will heal. If you follow our guidance it will heal faster than you can imagine. But there is no getting around the fact you have to deal with the reality of a marriage filled with hurt, anger, frustration and weariness. You can’t just skip the steps you have to take to end the scourge of the killers.”
“You have to control your tongue! You also have to control your mind, too! This is not airy fairy! You have to work at this with all your might! Success without effort does not even work out when you are dreaming.
Remember the eclipse effect? Nothing reduces the good feelings from a compliment as surely as an insult or slight that comes afterward. So keep the little digs out, too. They may seem funny to you, or “innocent”, but your marriage is not a sitcom. Ending all the abuses you currently extend to your spouse, in every overt or subtle way, complaining or criticizing or whatever; will open the doors wide for all kinds of happiness. You have to stop the misbehaviors!”
Remember the eclipse effect? Nothing reduces the good feelings from a compliment as surely as an insult or slight that comes afterward. So keep the little digs out, too. They may seem funny to you, or “innocent”, but your marriage is not a sitcom. Ending all the abuses you currently extend to your spouse, in every overt or subtle way, complaining or criticizing or whatever; will open the doors wide for all kinds of happiness. You have to stop the misbehaviors!”
Reviews from Amazon
Best Marriage Improvement Book
The beauty of this book is the simplicity. I have read several books on marriage and this is the best. If you cannot handle a very direct approach the process will not work for you. If you follow the wise guidance of the author your marriage and your life will improve. In most cases relationship problems are projection of past patterns from other relationships. If you can focus on yourself and follow the guidance your marriage and your life will get better. I have a graduate degree in counseling and worked in human services for years but anyone can develop a few negative habits that need to get fixed. Good habits are the key to a great marriage and life.
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
The beauty of this book is the simplicity. I have read several books on marriage and this is the best. If you cannot handle a very direct approach the process will not work for you. If you follow the wise guidance of the author your marriage and your life will improve. In most cases relationship problems are projection of past patterns from other relationships. If you can focus on yourself and follow the guidance your marriage and your life will get better. I have a graduate degree in counseling and worked in human services for years but anyone can develop a few negative habits that need to get fixed. Good habits are the key to a great marriage and life.
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
The best book on marriage. Period.
I write very few reviews on Amazon but this book deserves one. Don’t waste your time with other marriage books. I’ve read dozens of them over the years. None of them helped me fix my marriage until this one. Why? Because this one is no nonsense, straight to the point, and repetitive in what it teaches. Repetitive is usually not a good thing in books but in this case it is. Why? Because men are stupid and we need to have things drilled into our thick heads before we’ll finally get it. Paul Friedman understands how the human mind works so he drives home the important messages throughout this book. He keeps reminding you of the basic principles. I can attest to the fact that this approach works.
Why is this book so great? Because it puts all the burden for fixing your marriage on YOU. YOU are the only one who can fix your marriage by changing your crappy attitude, fixing your behavior, and learning how to love unconditionally. The truth is that you haven’t loved your spouse unconditionally. You have loved only when you felt like you were getting what you needed or wanted out of the relationship. The rest of the time you were self-focused and either neglected your marriage or acted like a complete jerk. Friedman teaches you to change your focus from yourself to your spouse. He teaches you how to stop acting like a jerk and learn to be supportive, loving, and compassionate. He drills the concept of unconditional love into your mind and teaches you what it truly means.
Unconditional is a great word that people say but don’t mean. It means that you have to love your spouse even when they’re not being nice and can’t stand you. It means you do what is right even when they don’t deserve it. It means being selfless instead of selfish. It’s hard to do that at first but it gets easier as you put it into practice. It’s not your job to fix your spouse. It’s your job to fix yourself. Do that and amazing things will happen.
My marriage was in trouble when I read this book. It’s not anymore. Everything that Friedman said came true for me when I just did what he said. Buy the book if you want to have a great marriage. Stop wasting your time looking for the secret ingredient for fixing marriage somewhere else. The truth is that there is no secret ingredient. The secret ingredient is YOU. You have the power to fix your marriage. You can fix it even if your spouse hates you and you are on the brink of divorce. If you do what Friedman says, you will pull your marriage back from the abyss and things will get better. If you keep it up, you will heal your marriage and your spouse will start acting differently too. It just takes time and some effort on your part. It’s a lot like losing weight. You don’t lose it in a day or a month. It takes months of slow and steady progress. Do what this book says and in six months your marriage will be better than ever.
I bought the PDF copy straight from Friedman’s website and then printed a copy. Spend the dough and buy it in paperback or hardcover. It’s the best investment you will ever make in your marriage.
I can’t say how well this book will work for women but I know it will work for men. In my not so humble opinion, I believe men are at fault for the vast majority of problems in marriages. It’s our job to lead and were doing a terrible job of it. Buy the book, gents. It’s a lot cheaper and far less painful than a divorce.
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
I write very few reviews on Amazon but this book deserves one. Don’t waste your time with other marriage books. I’ve read dozens of them over the years. None of them helped me fix my marriage until this one. Why? Because this one is no nonsense, straight to the point, and repetitive in what it teaches. Repetitive is usually not a good thing in books but in this case it is. Why? Because men are stupid and we need to have things drilled into our thick heads before we’ll finally get it. Paul Friedman understands how the human mind works so he drives home the important messages throughout this book. He keeps reminding you of the basic principles. I can attest to the fact that this approach works.
Why is this book so great? Because it puts all the burden for fixing your marriage on YOU. YOU are the only one who can fix your marriage by changing your crappy attitude, fixing your behavior, and learning how to love unconditionally. The truth is that you haven’t loved your spouse unconditionally. You have loved only when you felt like you were getting what you needed or wanted out of the relationship. The rest of the time you were self-focused and either neglected your marriage or acted like a complete jerk. Friedman teaches you to change your focus from yourself to your spouse. He teaches you how to stop acting like a jerk and learn to be supportive, loving, and compassionate. He drills the concept of unconditional love into your mind and teaches you what it truly means.
Unconditional is a great word that people say but don’t mean. It means that you have to love your spouse even when they’re not being nice and can’t stand you. It means you do what is right even when they don’t deserve it. It means being selfless instead of selfish. It’s hard to do that at first but it gets easier as you put it into practice. It’s not your job to fix your spouse. It’s your job to fix yourself. Do that and amazing things will happen.
My marriage was in trouble when I read this book. It’s not anymore. Everything that Friedman said came true for me when I just did what he said. Buy the book if you want to have a great marriage. Stop wasting your time looking for the secret ingredient for fixing marriage somewhere else. The truth is that there is no secret ingredient. The secret ingredient is YOU. You have the power to fix your marriage. You can fix it even if your spouse hates you and you are on the brink of divorce. If you do what Friedman says, you will pull your marriage back from the abyss and things will get better. If you keep it up, you will heal your marriage and your spouse will start acting differently too. It just takes time and some effort on your part. It’s a lot like losing weight. You don’t lose it in a day or a month. It takes months of slow and steady progress. Do what this book says and in six months your marriage will be better than ever.
I bought the PDF copy straight from Friedman’s website and then printed a copy. Spend the dough and buy it in paperback or hardcover. It’s the best investment you will ever make in your marriage.
I can’t say how well this book will work for women but I know it will work for men. In my not so humble opinion, I believe men are at fault for the vast majority of problems in marriages. It’s our job to lead and were doing a terrible job of it. Buy the book, gents. It’s a lot cheaper and far less painful than a divorce.
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
Easily the best book I’ve ever read on saving your …
Easily the best book I’ve ever read on saving your marriage, and actually one of the best self-help books I have ever read — on ANY subject. Breaking The Cycle is well-written, with thoughts expressed in a fresh, cogent, sensible manner. If you truly desire to be the change you want to see in your marriage (and in the world), this book gives you a practical course of action that you can actually follow. If you sincerely apply the principles within it, you will evolve into a better, happier human being, as well as a more loving spouse. It’s a real win=win. What you read in Breaking The Cycle will stay with you for a long time after you’ve closed the actual covers. It has managed to explain many complex reasons for my own behaviour, as well as that of my spouse, and with self-knowledge and self-awareness comes tremendous power to change. I am hoping that what I’ve learned will help save my own marriage… this book has certainly given me the encouragement I need to keep my positive focus on marital restoration and reconciliation. Worth every penny!
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
Easily the best book I’ve ever read on saving your marriage, and actually one of the best self-help books I have ever read — on ANY subject. Breaking The Cycle is well-written, with thoughts expressed in a fresh, cogent, sensible manner. If you truly desire to be the change you want to see in your marriage (and in the world), this book gives you a practical course of action that you can actually follow. If you sincerely apply the principles within it, you will evolve into a better, happier human being, as well as a more loving spouse. It’s a real win=win. What you read in Breaking The Cycle will stay with you for a long time after you’ve closed the actual covers. It has managed to explain many complex reasons for my own behaviour, as well as that of my spouse, and with self-knowledge and self-awareness comes tremendous power to change. I am hoping that what I’ve learned will help save my own marriage… this book has certainly given me the encouragement I need to keep my positive focus on marital restoration and reconciliation. Worth every penny!
VERIFIED PURCHASE✅
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