Can Divorce Mediation Improve Your Marriage?

Like most people, you probably think that in order to improve your marriage, you must go to marriage

Get The Marriage You Deserve
Get The Marriage You Deserve

counseling. And you go to divorce mediation if you want a divorce.

Ironically, most couples who see a marriage counselor end up in divorce.

The lack of basic understanding on the part of western psychology of what marriage is makes the so-called “trained” marriage counselors rarely helpful. Western psychologists think of marriage as material and psychological; they have no insight into the spiritual foundation of marriage. In most cases, “successful” psychologists just put off divorce until the children are a little older.

On the other hand, any good mediator will tell you those who seek divorce through mediation sometimes find they are better off staying together. You see, the whole idea of mediation is to break down barriers of communication and sort things out in a way that works for everybody. So for those who keep an open mind, the process used by mediators becomes instructive and helps the couple with communication skills, which is a big part of developing a healthy marriage.

A good mediator will never funnel a couple toward divorce. From their own experience they recognize most couples are merely stuck in old habits. In most cases, the so-called problems in a marriage are like dark clouds of misunderstanding blocking the sunshine of goodwill and love.

Any Couple Considering Divorce Should Do Anything They Can To Save Their Marriage

There are certain questions each person in a threatened marriage should ask themselves:

  1. Have I been a good, or even great, spouse?
  2. Have I been aware of the pain my spouse feels?
  3. Do I see my spouse’s point of view?
  4. Are my expectations of my spouse fair? Could I live up to my own expectations?
  5. Have I shown unconditional love and understanding?

In most cases, the answers to the above questions are a sheepish “no.” Our materialistic culture starts jamming into our minds the concept of fairness. In business, for example, fairness is known as the underlying doctrine of a good deal. But the idea of fairness is lethal to marriage because it is against the doctrine of unconditional love.

If you wish to have one horrible marriage after another, all you need to do is blame your partner for everything wrong in your marriage. Contrariwise, if you wish to have an amazing marriage, learn how to love unconditionally. Be your spouse’s very best friend even if they are not yours. When the Beatles sang, “The love you make is equal to the love you take,” they were expressing a fundamental spiritual truth that is essential for every happy marriage. Slow down your mind and step out of the way of your own fears and tensions. Always do what you should do, not just what you want to do.

Paul Friedman
Paul Friedman
Founder, The Marriage Foundation
Paul devised an entirely new approach to marriage that empowers individuals to finally understand and cultivate expanding happiness and love in their marriages.

He has written two books, produced several video educational programs, regularly speaks on marriage, and founded The Marriage Foundation as a non-profit organization.

Our mission is to end divorce by spreading Paul's revolutionary marriage system around the world. We have helped thousands of individuals and couples for nearly 20 years and in over 45 countries.

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