It is not unusual for us to get an email like this: “I Just Discovered My Fiance is On Porn Sites and Our Wedding is Next Month”.
Porn is a huge part of society, and its various impacts can be confusing. But we still need to take an objective view. Otherwise wrong ideas can undermine your happiness, and your lives. By the way, if you are not sure about something, and want some expert advice, you may write to us here.
Never imagine that we think porn is “good”. But your finance using porn may not be a good reason to end your plans for marriage.
Web sites like Ashley Madison go beyond porn. We need to draw some lines.
Even though you may be personally disgusted by porn, you should do your best to understand why your fiance is on porn sites. It may not be the end of the world. Clearly, this is written to, and for, brides!
The biggest real threats of porn are the following
- Your man may take the next steps. Online porn is a business. It is not just about looking at naked women. That would not make much money. Porn businesses are about getting men to part with their hard earned money. So they provide “steps”, which entice them further into the swamp of temptation.
- He might become addicted. Like any other “shortcut”, sensual gratification found through porn is often highly addictive.
- Equating porn with cheating. The truth is most men who use porn do not, in any way, shape, or form, think they are cheating on their women. And, in fact, porn is not cheating. It is used for relief and then forgotten. if your man has not taken the next steps (not all do) there are a lot of positive things that you will learn in our premarital program that will keep him off porn sites…without you being tough about it.
If your fiance is actually connecting with real women who are available for any kind of live meeting you have a real and serious problem. That kind of behavior does not fall under the “porn” umbrella. And what that would mean is your fiance is open to having other relationships, while married to you. That kind of habit is not going to change in time for your wedding! Chances are he will go through life having affairs and ruining his life. Everyone around him will pay for his immaturity, too. If you stay with such a man you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.
If You Discovered your Fiance is On Porn Sites
The above should help you decide if it is over. If he is on hook-up sites you must end the marriage before it begins. If not, then you need to gain the education that will put your mind at ease. Or at least understand what is really going on.
The number of men who have never visited a porn site is probably very low as a percentage or number. Porn does not kill marriages! But incorrect marital behaviors can have the secondary effect of opening the door to porn sites. If you want your marriage to be so good you never have to worry about it you need to stop thinking you can have a great marriage without great premarital education.