Whether you want to cook a great dinner, start a business, or rebuild a marriage, the best way to achieve success is to “plan your work and work your plan.” When you plan your marital fix in steps, you can stay focused and be confident the results of each step will bring you closer to the finish line of a happy marriage.
If the steps you come up with are too complicated, you will not be successful. Each step needs to be simple, and you should feel comfortable that you can definitely do each step. They also need to be something you do independently of your spouse.
A step like this is ideal: “I will start keeping my mouth closed when I want to say something critical.”
By keeping your steps simple and doable your marriage will incrementally improve. If they are too complicated, break them down into even smaller steps you can achieve.
Choose steps with specific, crystal-clear results. Steps with vague results like, “I will be friendlier to my spouse,” are too difficult to keep track of. You will surely get discouraged if you do not see clear progress. Then you will give up and that is the last thing you want to do.
The first step is to stop arguing with your spouse. This is the first thing I always recommend to people because it is simple, doable, and effective. It will dramatically reduce tension.
How To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse
The easiest way to stop fighting is to make a vow to yourself that you will not say anything that will begin a fight, nor encourage a fight your spouse starts by reacting. Remember that nobody wins a fight in a family. Everyone loses! So vow to the above, and you will see the difference very quickly.
You have all the WON’T power you need for this step. Teeth are more than tools for chewing. They are gates. Tell yourself, “I won’t allow an argumentative word to pass my teeth.”
No matter what emotions are clobbering you, no matter how “important” it feels to be heard or get it out, it is far better to resolve your anxieties in your own mind than blurt out a defensive reaction.
All arguments are destructive. By refusing to argue, you are shutting off the valve of a marital-destructive substance. It’s like shutting off the flow of toxic waste.
If you slip, catch yourself and apologize. But DO NOT EXPLAIN what you wanted to say in other way. Explanations are always thinly disguised attacks. Don’t “put off” the argument for another time either. Instead, it is best to calm your own mind. Start by taking a slow, deep breath.
You can do this! Anyone can improve their marriage by setting their mind to it. Although there are many steps involved with rebuilding a marriage, this one will show you your own power and the love you still have for your spouse.