Good sex can ruin your new marriage, but “bad” sex is only a temporary problem. “These days”, which began in the early sixties, with Playboy-type magazines and an “everything goes” sexual culture, sex has become way too important an issue. It used to be kept in the bedroom of married couples, or in the dingy motels or back alleys for the exploiters. But now sex has come out in the open, and has, frankly, caused more problems than its worth.
The reason “good” sex can ruin your new marriage is because of what “good” means to most people, which is what I call recreational sex. recreational sex is empty. It is for the purpose of satisfying your sexual desires, and making it interesting and “fun”. This kind of approach to sex will destroy your marriage very quickly for at least three reasons.
- It is all about pleasuring the body, so when it is over, it is over; like going to a move, or playing a game. There is no marriage building going on. There is no connection being built upon. Sexual pleasure is an “ultimate” pursuit for those who have not experienced the kind of love that should be the main pursuit of marriage.
- Fun sex is selfish. Even when you try to please your partner it is for self-gratification. Ironically, some complain about a selfish lover (and that is not okay either), when they are centered upon themselves. But the marriage based on individual pursuit of self-happiness is doomed to failure. We stress the importance of selfless love in our premarital course because it is a “must-have” in order to succeed in marriage.
3. It wastes precious time. The time you spend in conjugal love is precious. For many couples it is the only time there is true focus upon each other, and it should be used to build the love in your marriage. Marital love is foundational to your marriage. It is why you got married, and so your should use every experience and opportunity to express it; especially during sex.
Good Sex Can Ruin Your New Marriage
Love and sex are often confused as the same thing. But most people think they feel love when they are feeling physical pleasure. That is NOT love. Real love is what you feel even when you do not feel pleasure, feel abused, feel bored, or feel whatever. Real love is a choice for human beings. As soon as we put a condition on it, we are no longer talking about love. So if you are enjoying sex without the knowledge of how to use the opportunity you to your advantage, you stand the risk that good sex can ruin your new marriage.