In spite of attempts on the part of some to make men more ‘feminine’ and make women more ‘masculine’, one cannot ignore that men and women remain as different as can be. Those who imagine both genders are the same will never be able to revive their marriage. You need to acknowledge the differences and work with them.
The biggest problems men encounter in their marriage
Is your wife angry all the time? Is she inconsistent? Is your sex life erratic more than erotic? Does your wife treat you like a slave? Is she demanding? Unhelpful? Inconsiderate?
Or, is she wonderful in many ways, but you don’t feel the “love”?
Before we go further. I don't wish to discourage anyone but men should know that if their wife has already left, whether she is with another man or not, we have never seen one come back. Is it impossible for her to come back? Nothing is impossible, but we have not seen it.
The solution for ALL marriage problems is the same!
Don’t waste your time, effort, or money (as in counseling) trying to figure out what is wrong, what you have done, what you should be doing, or what your wife should be doing. Its not like that. And, I know you will get this.
Marriage was not just the next step in your evolving relationship. When you got married you walked into a completely different and unique venue of life. There is NOTHING like marriage.
Had you made the changes necessary to “fit” in marriage you would have been spectacularly happy. But you didn’t know.
Its like leaving a place like New York in the winter for Hawaii. If you don’t know to expect a tropical climate you will boil in your NYC cloths and your skin will burn and painfully peel off your body. But because people know what to expect, and how to accommodate to the paradise they enter when they get off the plane, they love every minute of it.
Marriage is a paradise that gets better every single day of your life; if you know.
Before we get into what will get you there I want to set your expectations. I also want to be realistic. So depending on how long you have put off seeking some knowledge you can only expect the highest level of “wonderful” after some healing.
The highest plane of marital happiness is amazing. Not to rub it in, but if you knew what you were doing before you got married, and so lived your marriage ‘correctly’ from the start, you would be beyond happy, and every day would be better than the day before.
Its not your fault, your wife’s fault, or the fault of any outer circumstances. A perfectly good aircraft will stall and kill everyone aboard if the pilot doesn’t know how to fly. In the case of marriage there are two pilots; only one of you needs to know.
What a “perfect” marriage looks like
I throw out “the highest plane of marriage” phrase as if you would know what that means… you only think you might!
I listed some typical problems in the opening, but none of those are the real problem, even if you are experiencing one or more, and can relate. Remember, you are in a new and different world when you’re married.
The REAL overriding problem is esoteric
I know you don’t know this, because it isn’t taught anywhere (I’ve invented true marriage education), but the REAL reason, above all other reasons, for you getting married is that you wanted to be loved the way your mom loved you; unconditionally!
Think about it. Even if your mother was imperfect (as are all humans) your mother loved you unconditionally.
As a kid you knew she did, and you became completely dependent on that unconditional love without ever thinking about it. It doesn’t matter how your mom manifested that unconditional love, you knew, and know, that no matter what you did, no matter what you became, she loved you.
Whether she approved of your behavior or disciplined you you always knew she loved you… and that’s what is missing, that is the REAL problem in your marriage, you do not have that unconditional love coming from your wife. Stay with me!!!
Your subconscious mind expects it, and its the unspoken reason for why you got married. Its also the same why your wife married you!
Okay, cool, so what do I do to improve my marriage?
You need to take control over your own mind!
Whaaaaat? Control my mind? Yes! You need to shift the perspective you have of your earliest years. Instead of thinking you are entitled to unconditional love, recognize that you were learning about unconditional love from your mother so you could be the one to give it in your marriage. Not just to your kids, which is biologically compelled, but to your wife; which is intentional, using your free will. Is this making sense to you?
I’m not going to insult your intelligence
I can’t stand these so called marriage experts who give you things to do. You know, like “buy her flowers” or “blah blah blah”. That stuff is like putting icing on a turd.
How to improve your marriage
IF you have followed me you know that what you need to learn cannot possibly be conveyed in an article. You have to study about Hawaii, I mean marriage. That’s why I created a marriage course for men only. The women have one for women only, and sometimes a couple will take them at the same time. But its not necessary. Marriage has two pilots but only one of you has to know what you are doing.
Here is the link to the information page for the courses.
If you have ANY questions, reach out to our TMF counselors. We will be glad to help you.
This is the best way for you to go; period!