I was a divorce mediator who became a marriage “educator“, so I have seen it all. One of the cornerstones of what I taught couples in troubled marriages is what one of my clients named the SEW technique. The SEW technique is a lifesaver. But it was created only after I realized the first 2 pillars of marriage were not enough.
First pillar of marriage is the “vision of marriage”, and is all about remaining focused on the reason for your marriage. Most couples do not think about what they will get from their marriage, so they make all kinds of innocent mistakes. When one makes all behaviors will move you towards your “vision” you will be much happier; much! Does that make sense?
I discovered a universal reason for marriage, which is the need for unconditional love. Every single soul is made incredibly happy by attaining unconditional love! Is it not true? For this reason everyone should be aware of their behaviors. Some behaviors create the conditions for unconditional love. Other behaviors, which are selfish in nature, undermine the goal of marital happiness. This clear identification of marriages purpose leads naturally to the second pillar of marriage. I call this the “physics” of marriage.
This, the second pillar of marriage is an understanding of which behaviors do what, and why. Too many false ideas have infiltrated common thinking about what is “right” or “wrong” in marriage. Too many ideas are about boundaries, and other defensive ideas, when couples should instead be focused on how to generate happiness within their marriage. In order to create usable and accurate guidelines I included biological realities, as well as known psychological givens. As useful as this information is, and it was incredibly useful to those who had no idea of “how” to be married, there turned out to be a missing piece.
The Incredible SEW Technique
People who are 100% mindful of the risks of certain behaviors, even knowing why they act out, were still making the same mistakes, over and over again. I mean, how many people know they should not eat heavy foods late at night, but do it anyway? We are, after all, creatures of habit. Most of our habits serve us, but some are very destructive, and self-destructive.
In general terms, because if I gave you the technique out of context (experience has proven this many times over), I can only describe the technique. The SEW technique is a technique each of our clients learns almost right off the bat, and practices it to make its use second nature. In other words, the SEW becomes a habit which is a powerful tool for correcting habits.
The SEW technique is the linchpin, which allows us to guarantee our premarital program for life. It give each individual the means to control their habits.
Marriage is intended to provide undreamed of happiness. But just as one must master the myriad skills in order to soar above the clouds in an airplane, so one must master the myriad skills to soar above life’s troubles in the sanctity of a beautiful marriage.