Not anymore. The way divorce used to work in most states was that a grievance
would be brought by one spouse or the other and that particular grievance would either be grounds for divorce or not. A cheating husband or cheating wife was often grounds for divorce because the loyal spouse felt so insulted and humiliated that the chances for reconciliation were slim. Eventually most state legislatures were told to mind their own business when it came to a reason for divorce, and they responded by giving couples complete freedom to divorce if there were “irreconcilable differences.” Now a couple can divorce each other very easily, at least as far as most states are concerned.
Is A Cheating Husband Really A Good Reason For Divorce?
I have been asked this question a number of times and my answer is not always the same. There are questions I ask in return:
- Do you have any children?
- How long have you been married?
- Are there drugs and alcohol involved?
- Is there any spousal physical abuse involved?
- How many times have either of you been married?
As you can see by the questions, the answers are not always so simple. It is important, of course, for spouses to be loyal to one another. But it is also important for spouses to understand what marriage is and what behaviors work within a marriage to enhance all of the marital goals each person has.
The big problem in our society is nobody knows what the heck marriage is and nobody understands the very basics of relationship building. The role models for a happy marriage are nowhere to be found in our society. Television sitcoms, parents, other relatives, and schools lacking “how to live” education, all sent you into the deep end of marriage life without so much as a pamphlet to guide you. So it isn’t 100% fair to expect people to suffer through a blistering marriage without some breakdowns.
In just about every case, infidelity is a manifestation of ignorance-driven frustration and so carries a little less of the taint of evil than we would normally ascribe to it.
Infidelity Is Not Excusable But Should Not Be Punishable By Death Of The Marriage
Every couple who has come to see me in regards to infidelity was able to rescue and resuscitate their marriage.
In fact, they went on to have amazing marriages, because once they learned how to be married, the normal, evil actions of that infidelity were understood and put into a context of non-judgment.
If your husband is cheating on you, I recommend you shift your perspective and recognize his weakness rather than his treachery. Read my Lessons For A Happy Marriage, or Breaking The Cycle so you can have a deep understanding of what created his infidelity. Until then, don’t imagine even for a second that it is your fault. Even those ladies who protest and say they don’t take on any of the blame, there is always a little bit of questioning in their minds as to whether they were adequate wives or not.
Lastly, if you are not married but have a cheating boyfriend or fiance, my answer is very simple: Move on. A man who is not completely caught up in the joys and excitement of marrying you is not worthy of your commitment to him.
Marriage is meant to be joyful and simple, but our culture has done nothing to educate you. Once you learn the simple math of marriage, a very happy family life is assured, but until then you are groping in the dark. Strike the match of education to light your way to happiness.