Currently, less than 50% of new marriages last, unless you are classified as a Mormon, Amish, or Orthodox Jew. The groups with the lower end of success include psychologists.
It also depends on what part of the country you live in. It seems like the “Bible Belt” is safer than the coasts. But I don’t think you should count on the statistics as a guide. Couples should have more power over their married lives than just hoping the statistics will favor them.
In the old days, newlyweds expected their marriage to last because everyone else’sĀ did. Nobody questioned it. If a husband was a drunk, or the wife a shrill nag, it made no difference. Divorce was rare. People accepted their lives, suffering in silence or complaining to their friends if their marriage was awful;Ā couples stayed together anyway.
Gone is the 12/7 work schedule. Gone are the days of children being “owned” by their father until they turn 21. Gone is the 60-year life expectancy. Gone are the days of women being treated as inferiors. Today’s freedom has given you the power to succeed, or fail.
In fact, the idea of a happy marriage was an idealistic concept. But it certainly was not a goal or expectation. Most people were too busy surviving to think about marriage as anything more than an expected part ofĀ life. But things have changed.
We have the power to overcome challenges. Unfortunately, we have been acting like childrenĀ loose in the playground instead of recognizing the responsibilities that go along with freedom. Marriages fail when couples don’t take responsibility for theirĀ behavior and the accompanying results. If you want your new marriage to last, you have to own the outcome of every day of your marriage. You have the freedom to flourish. But you have to make the best of your freedom.
A recommended course of action for a new marriage:
- Eliminate divorce as an option. The “safety valve” of a divorce is a constant threat to your marriage. The ease of pulling the divorce trigger lowers the incentive to make the effort to get through a tough spot.
- Be sure you know each other inside and out. If you are surprised by your soulmate’s behavior down the road, it is because you did not take the time, or make the effort, to get fully acquainted before you married. Compatibility is no guarantee, but it’s better than discord on important issues.
- Take a qualified premarital education course. More important than compatibility is the knowledge of marriage and all its parts. Those with a good knowledge of marriage always succeed. It’s the best way to make your new marriage last and flourish.
Donāt settle! Your life’s happiness depends upon your effort to learn about marriage in a practical way so you can do practical things to expand your love each day.