There are no absolutes, however, the reality is that 99% of the time when a woman leaves you for someone else, she has already shifted her heart away from you. Unfortunately, this means the chances of reconciliation are very slim to non-existent.

Occasionally a woman's decision to leave may have been an emotional, on the spur of the moment reaction, in which case there might be some hope. If that is not the case then your focus needs to be on your children, and making sure you can diplomatically handle the storm that is yet to hit.

The more defensive or reactive you are in this situation, the worse things will be. It could still be helpful to get one of our books or our TMF Marriage System video course to learn where you went wrong, how to stop reacting when she pushes your buttons, and how to behave to minimize the damage. But we would not be honest if we told you that at this point there was still much hope.

First, there is the group of women who already have it all planned out. The train has already left the station and there is no stopping it. The best you can do is accept the situation and be prepared in case divorce procedures turn ugly. Otherwise you will react in ways that will worsen the situation.

Then there is a group of women who ask for a divorce as a sign to their husbands that the relationship has become so bad that if things don't change, divorce will be the result. In these cases, the man needs to stop himself from becoming defensive and reactive, or it will be over, even if things settle down for a time. This is a warning that not many men get, and fewer heed.

If you are wise, you will heed this warning and do the following:

1. Sign up for our men's TMF Marriage System video course and put serious effort into it.
2. Start seriously listening to your wife, stop all selfishness, stop arguing, and treat her like an angel, no matter what is going on.
3. Put a huge amount of attention on being a great father, not just a good one.
4. Tell your wife that you are doing the above, but without trying to get her to do or change anything, including taking the women's course or reading our books.
5. Pray that it's not too late.

This is the easiest to fix; but you'll have to read one of our books at least, or study our full TMF Marriage System video course. There are things you need to learn about yourself and your wife that will help you understand and deal with her behavior and yours. Without this core knowledge, you are simply a victim of your own biological and mental reactions.

Once you understand the biological motivations that drive you and your wife, what behaviors are destructive to your marriage, and what behaviors are beneficial, and what the benefits are of making changes, things will turn around. Your behavior and perspective will shift in ways that will have an impact on both of you and you won't want to call it quits.

These issues are a big deal for her, and if they persist, you could end up divorced. Ask yourself why you are married. Think of your kids! They do not deserve to be harmed by a divorce, and it is on you to keep things together.

Marriage is an amazing thing, but most people have no idea why they got married in the first place, or about the benefits that can be enjoyed when you know how to be married. When your marriage is amazing, you won't want to look elsewhere, but it won't become amazing all by itself.

Now is a good time to work on achieving a real marriage by educating yourself about what that means. Get a hold of one of our books, or if you were caught cheating on your wife, then you need to immerse yourself in the TMF Marriage System video course. The results will make you so glad you put in the effort.

Without realizing it, most men kill their marriage by using their aggressive, masculine power against their wives.

If you hired a bodyguard for protection and he waved his gun at you, even jokingly, you would fire him. Women marry their men for protection, to feel safe. So do NOT growl, snap, use a loud voice, yell, hit, or do anything that expresses your aggressive male power. Be prepared for the consequences if that's what you're doing.

Even if your wife is 'crazy', nags at you constantly, picks fights, if she successfully pushes your buttons until you blow up at her, even then how you respond is still your responsibility. If you react with anger, then that will eclipse any thought of peace, love and happiness.

The best path for both of you is to learn how to disable your buttons, how to not be a victim to anger, how to eliminate any reactive or defensive behavior. You need to learn about marriage, about your wife, but mostly about your own mind and how to change your habits and responses.

The very first lessons in our TMF Marriage System video course will teach you a simple technique that will start giving you control over your reactive tendencies right away. First you'll learn to not say things you'll regret later. With practice, you will eventually stop the anger from even rising up.

Stop using trial and error in your marriage. That path is plagued with stress and turmoil. Learn to get a handle on your anger quickly and how to improve every other aspect of your marriage with the systematized process we teach in our video course.

Though it is uncommon these days, having a happy marriage should be "normal."

Everyone knows intuitively that marriage grants couples the opportunity for unlimited happiness. But you need to understand how you can achieve that happiness by doing what works and avoiding the obstacles.

If you know how to drive a car and get behind the wheel of a Maserati, you would know how to drive it, even if you had never driven a sports car before. You would understand what the gauges mean and how to work the wheel and pedals. This understanding allows you to enjoy the car without worrying about blowing it up or hitting a tree. At worst, you might have to experiment with some of the switches to see what they do. But there is no mystery.

It's the same with marriage. Once you understand it, you can enjoy it. The problems come when you have no realistic conceptions about marriage. If you are not happily married, it is because you are not operating it correctly.

Most husbands would be surprised to know that many women want to have sex more often than they think, though perhaps not as often as the male body craves. So if it has become a "chore" for your wife, it usually is not her fault. All men think they are great lovers, but how do you really know if you are? Very few wives come clean in this department. If you do not understand why they are not being honest, you need to learn more about women, a subject that is extensively covered in our books and courses.

Almost universally, men don't understand what women actually want and need. Sincere study on your part can help quite a bit. Just don't use porn-sites for 'study purposes', as this is far removed from lovemaking.

In short, most women usually need the following:

• Good hygiene
• Long, connected discussions - meaning you actively listen
• Lots of admiration
• Loving and sincere attention
• Listening beyond the spoken word
• Sincere compliments
• Slow, considerate, and pleasurable lovemaking

The following will absolutely reduce your wife's desire for sex:

• Rushing
• Demanding
• Expectations
• Crudeness
• Complaining (e.g. that you don't have sex often enough)
• The slightest hint that her body is not perfect
• Comparing her with other women
• Minimizing her efforts to please you

Women are not driven by their biology to the same goals of release as men. They rarely feel like "getting off."

Hollywood portrayals of women craving sex in the same way as men do are total nonsense. There are some women like that, but not many. There is more to sex in marriage than the fleeting entertainment or release that it also provides. You will have a happier life if you learn about marriage and intimacy. The way to bring your lovemaking to a higher level is to include your heart, which just happens to be more natural for your wife.

Learning how to make love is like learning how to fly a fighter jet. There is nothing like it once you get going, but it requires a lot of knowledge, the importance of which is not immediately apparent.

We started The Marriage Foundation so that parents would learn ‘how’ to be married and stay together. Our main aim was that children would not have to go through the devastating effects divorce has on them. The number one thing kids need is a happy, loving family life. If you get along well with your spouse, your kids will get all they need from the loving, supportive environment of your harmonious marriage.

Even when you are in the middle of marriage troubles, the relatively little effort that is required to learn about marriage and to fix yours is nothing compared to the lifetime of suffering caused by divorce, not to mention the traumatic effects it will have on your children.

If  learning about marriage and creating an extraordinary family life is what you feel you want to do, then the easiest route is to use our discoveries and systematized processes taught in our books or our TMF Marriage System video course.

The number of people using drugs or alcohol to cope with every-day life is rampant. If your wife is one of them then realize that this may be her way of dealing with difficulties or deep-seated problems and conflicts.

Never put down her choice to use medication prescribed by doctors. Think of meds as a temporary crutch she needs while she is healing and learning how to gain control over her emotions.

Self-medicating with pot and alcohol is different, as they undermine will-power, putting all growth on hold. The right approach for you to take then is to be a friend who encourages without judgment. Be supportive; she is your chosen best friend and companion. She needs a shoulder to lean on, not a drill sergeant forcing her to do what is currently unmanageable.

If the drug or alcohol use begins negatively impacting other areas of your lives, or especially your children, please seek professional help.