Life, so the saying goes, is all about give and take, where we get along by trying to balance our giving and taking. All relationships, it seems, have this element of striving for balance. Unfortunately, in many cases we give a lot when the other doesn’t give enough. Isn’t that so?
However, marriage differs from other types of relationships. In fact, we all recognize marriage is unique, but most have not considered this uniqueness; what makes it unique? And what is it about marriage that makes it highly desirable?
We, The Marriage Foundation, say that marriage is a give and give relationship at its core, which sets it apart, and above, from all other relationships.
Other relationships are shallow compared to marriage. This does not mean that all relationships are shallow, of course. But they don’t compare to the marriage relationship because marriage rises above all relationships, wherein one can reach a state of peace, joy, and even bliss.
When you live your marriage correctly, the benefits are indescribable. But the key is in how you live your marriage.
If you treat marriage like any other relationship, you will never get the great marital benefits that everyone assumes materializes all by themselves. If you behave in a give-and-take mode, expecting good behaviors to get your spouse reciprocating, you will end up disappointed.
Marriage does not operate upon the give-and-take principle of reciprocity. Marriage requires you to operate with a higher intention instead of just trying to get as much from your spouse as possible.
When you made your vows, you defined a very different relationship, but you’re forgetting to stick to your vows. Your vows didn’t include “as long as you do for me, I will do for you,” or anything of the sort.
Many greatly misunderstood and misconceived when spouses repeated the same vows, they had made a deal. No, they did not make a deal. They never made vows contingent on each other making the same vows. If you had done so, your marriage would be nothing more than a business deal, and, even if it lasted, it would be classified as a failed marriage. Because a marriage based on reciprocity is not a marriage.
The greatest benefit of marriage is unconditional love, period. All the other benefits do not add up to being a fraction of the value of feeling love. Love is the ultimate succor, what we all seek and need. But you cannot feel the love you have if your mind wonders when you will get a payback. If your mind is calculating a balance of give and take, even subconsciously, you will not feel the love you seek.
When you recognize you married the desired person in order to cherish and please them, without expecting anything in return, then your marriage will succeed. You pour out your love and efforts soul-ly (pun intended) for your spouse.
Work in marriage consists of training your mind to reach this unusual practice. If you practiced this way of thinking out in the world, you would be smooshed, so you should not try this anywhere except at home. When you do, and you conquer your mind’s resistance, you will see: this works.
This approach to marriage is not commonly known and much less understood. But those who have learned it from us have attained great success. The trick is in understanding. “In all your getting, get understanding.“