Have you ever wondered what the milestones of progress are once you have gotten started with the process of fixing your marriage? Its how you know how you are doing so far. You will not find any marriage “counseling” that will spell it out for you as we do. But its important.
Milestones are the points of achievement in your process, and your efforts, that tells you (in a way you understand) that you’re going forward. They’re like the millage markers on the side of a highway, except they tell you you how far you have gotten, not how far you have to go. They can also be called steps.
These milestones are important. Because too many so called marriage experts try to foist vague ideas of ‘usefulness’ onto their clients, even though there isn’t any progress in healing your marriage. Do you just want a good listener? Or do you want someone who can help you, step-by practical step, get out of the problems you have, and, more importantly, set your marriage on the right pathway to happiness?
Let’s begin with what I personally think of as step 1, which happens before you are systematically progressing. The first step is finally realizing your marriage is not moving in the right direction. It is unfortunately true that people usually wait too long, but that doesn’t matter. You probably are going to be okay. The reason people wait is they think (or are at least hopeful) that things will sort themselves out. Or, more likely, they are afraid to admit there is a problem. But, at some point there is a negative aha moment.
Although even after you decide to look for help options, you probably still hope you will not need outside help. But the chances are you realize its time. Your marriage is not doing, for either of you, what its supposed to. This realization is a first step. One of you (its almost always just one of the couple) decides something must be done. It is time to do get help.
Step 2 is often to speak with friends about your marital problems, usually in the form of complaining. This step is actually a step backwards, because your marriage is not supposed to be a public part of your life; it has to stay very private and closed (explained thoroughly in our program). So talking to friends (or family) about your marriage problems only digs the hole you are finding yourselves in gets deeper. There are a lot of reasons why talking to people is a negative step. But I would say the biggest problem with it is that it is not solution oriented.
You may get usable advice, but probably not. And if you do get advice it will, almost 100% of the time, be useless or destructive. But, people don’t usually speak with others for advice. Usually the person just wants to complain about their husband (men rarely “share”); and sharing your grievances about your husband, or marriage in general, is very destructive.
The other reason people speak about their marriage with others is to get a sounding board. Again, it is a definite problem. Your marriage is supposed to be a sealed container with just the two of you. Nobody has the right to know what is going on between you and your spouse. It reduces your marriage. This one topic is much deeper, of course. And the whole idea is thoroughly explained in my two books, Lessons For A Happy Marriage and Breaking The Cycle, as well as the programs we have. This idea is always fully embraced by those who go through the numerous reasons. Unfortunately, shows like Dr. Phil and others, do more to mock marriages than help them.
A positive step 2 would be seeking out various sources of marriage help. A lot of people start with books, hoping their marriage problems can be “summed up”, and so they pick up a title that looks appropriate.
If there is a catastrophe, then there is usually a search for couples counseling, or therapy; which I am not in favor of, as you will discover in my article that compares our program with those.
The 3rd step could be signing up for your choice of help, and beginning. Now, you are, if you chose well, on your way to a happy marriage; not just fixing things enough to get though till the kids are grown.
Do you see where I am going with that? A lot of couples have given up. They don’t see how they could possibly realize their dreams of marriage; the dreams they had when they got engaged. But I am here to tell you, marriage is meant to deliver more joy and happiness than is imaginable, and your current problems should be seen only as a wake-up call.
So, milestones are more like steps that move you away from the suffering. Try contacting us, if your problem is a simple one, or you want to know what your next move should be.
A big, and first REAL milestone is when you have an intellectual realization about how you are supposed to “be” in your marriage, what your “role” and attitude is supposed to look like. Marriages are secure again when there is what I call “The Shift”, but that comes a bit later. Because this realization changes everything. However, this first big milestone is incredible important, because it sets the stage for sincere effort; the right kind of effort.
You see, fixing a marriage isn’t about fixing the problems you are encountering at the moment. There is a common misunderstanding of what causes marital problems. Some people come to us with short or long lists of symptoms, thinking they are like broken parts of car.
Other people come to us with a backstory. They have been “trained” to think that couples counseling is the best solution, and watching “breakthroughs” on TV, they just assume that Western Psychology is the bomb; the best way. But it isn’t. It is the worst thing you can do!
The unhappiness and distress you are experiencing are only symptoms of a diseased marriage, not the causes. Sure, we understand that they are the immediately painful. But even if you could “fix” what are now past, and present actions and mis-behaviors, the reasons for those outcomes have to be addressed.
Let’s say you thought you could get away with less maintenance on your car, so your oil got dirty because you didn’t change it often enough. Well, guess what. When the valves go you cannot rightfully think its because the valves were of inferior quality. You need to accept that you treated them poorly by not changing the oil. That’s what couple do, all the time. They don’t take care of each other’s needs, and get seriously angry when their spouse is not “doing their part”. We hear it all the time.
The Milestones Hit Towards Successful Marriages
When you use our program you will experience actual milestones. The most important one is the shift I was talking about.
Milestone 1 – You recognize the veracity of what we teach. This is big, because what we teach does not line up with Western Psychological ideas. Ours is scientific, logical, and practical. But we get used to ideas, even wrong ones, that we hear all the time. So when you realize our material is realistic, and others is not, you will be willing to put the energy into our program.
Some people are initially intrigued with what we have to say, but not yet sold. So they order a book through Amazon, or us, and read up before they get the program. Some even get enough from the book. But we advise the program because its so powerful.
Milestone 2 – This comes from practicing the SEW technique. There are a few who do not reach this milestone, for a number of reasons; but less than 1%.
The technique is transformative and profoundly changes the individual. Nobody can use the SEW and not recognize its power and usefulness. As a foundation we will soon be introducing it to children through schools. This is a milestone that keeps on giving, because using the SEW gets deeper and deeper. EVERYONE uses it in all of their life, not just in their marriage.
Milestone 3 – You start understand what love is. I know you think you know, already. But you will learn the truth. This is a real game changer! You will learn where love comes from, and how to manifest it, and how to fulfill your need for it. Real love; unconditional love! Marital love!
Milestone “The Shift” – I don’t like to number this because it can come at any time. This shift, once it happens, puts your life on a new level. It is a deep change in your consciousness where your heart finally “knows its place” in your life, and how to keep it there.
When I worked with individuals the shift was all I needed to see. Then, they just needed to learn all the “mechanics” of marriage. They NEVER failed! The fastest way to get to the shift was through the SEW… and that’s about the size of it.
We are not brilliant. We are simple. But marriage is simple, once you truly get it. It doesn’t matter what your back story is, your histories, or your current dilemmas. All that matters is that you are willing to follow our lead. Then you will succeed.