What If Premarital Counseling Tells Us We Shouldn’t Be Together?

We Won’t Tell You You Shouldn’t Be Together

Can you imagine how traumatic it would be to find out through premarital counseling that you shouldn’t be together?

Who in their right mind would sign up for that? Personally, I would never risk taking premarital counseling if I thought there was nay chance of that happening…I wouldn’t! And I’m the one who has created all the premarital education we have in our programs.

I’m also the one who never wants to see you in a marriage that I know is going to fail. So how does this work? Isn’t premarital counseling supposed to tell you that you shouldn’t be together if that’s the case? Heck NO!!

Now, I am not going to tell you there are no marriages that shouldn’t make it to the alter. There are some, but they are so rare. They are so few and far between. I mean, if I see the groom-to-be strike his bride I am NOT going to pretend that this guy is okay.

If the bride is on drugs, and tells me she is making her living as a prostitute, but she “really” thinks she can turn her life around; helloooo. I will not hold back my opinion. Otherwise, most couples get married with the right intentions, and they only want to know how to make their marriage amazing; which is exactly what marriage is supposed to be.

Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Together Are Very Rare

Obviously, if you really shouldn’t be together someone should speak up. But who is so wise as to make that kind of judgment. And by the way, it is almost never a mismatch that would provoke such a judgment. Everyone is, at one point or another, a mismatch. If you matched perfectly you would be a set of bookends, not human beings. Marriages are human.

Then Why Get Premarital Counseling?

Well, that’s a good question. The answer is that it is the premarital education part that is the most important. The counseling part is useful, but not the most useful.

In fact, when I worked with couples in rapidly deteriorating marriages I often heard things like “we have grown apart”. It was funny. Because they were so alike, had so many of the same values and habits. But they fought, and argued, and were perpetually mad at each other..why? Because they had no idea how to put their energy into loving each other in ways that were really selfless.

Bottom line is that if you shouldn’t be together it is because one of you is dangerous and the other made a mistake. So don’t worry. Get good premarital education and you will be fine….really.