It is a fact that sometimes prenups are necessary, and in certain cases have to be written.
But prenuptial agreements often cause long term problems which need to be discussed. So when people ask how I feel about a prenuptial agreement, I always ask why they want one before I give an answer.
The laws surrounding marriage are complicated, and usually established to protect children. Which is ironic, because if society had a clue about the needs of children there would be laws about preparing for marriage with quality premarital education.
But laws are different in every state, and often geared to protect women, more than children. So if a man comes into a marriage with family money and assets, for instance, and his betrothed is not well off, his family will probably insist on a good prenuptial agreement that protects the family treasure. And, that makes sense. And usually the bride to be totally gets it, and is on board. But there is still a problem, and it needs to be brought out. The source of the problem is tough to get around.
Marriage is, according to civil laws, a business agreement. But Marriage is not a businesses agreement at all.
Marriage is a multi-leveled and multifaceted enterprise with millions of moving parts. But primarily marriage is all about love; how to create more, how to fill your sacred space with it, how to live in it (which again, is why you need premarital education). And this is the source of the problems.
Marriage is a pact between souls
Avoid the problems caused by prenuptial agreements
Although the potential problems are built in, the main thing you can do to avoid them from coming up are simple, and basic.
- Make sure you are not marrying for money. If you search your soul, and see that he is not the one, but you made him the one because you want the security of his money, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of suffering. The trade-off is irreconcilable. You will lose; guaranteed!
- Do not trust him or his parents to create the agreement. You MUST have the best lawyer you can hire represent your interests, and you need to be willing to walk away (at your lawyers advice). And, he, or his parents, must pay your lawyer!
- make it first order of business. If the need for a prenuptial agreement comes up while you are planning the wedding stop planning. Get it out of the way.
- When it is done, be done. If you do your duty of learning about marriage (from us) you will never ever have to worry about any prenuptial agreement. Your marriage will be like heaven on Earth.
Prenuptial agreements cause long term problems often because people do not follow the above guidelines. If you do follow them, you will not have to worry about a thing.