The 7 Secret Saviors of a Troubled Marriage

Unlocking the Science of Marriage: Paul Friedman’s Journey from Divorce Mediator to Marriage Savior
Discover the revolutionary practical science of marriage through the inspiring journey of Paul Friedman, a former successful San Diego divorce mediator. Explore articles and videos by Paul, available on YouTube, covering a wide range of topics to help individuals rediscover lost happiness in their failing marriages.

I will be the first to tell you that there is nothing I am going to tell you that is ‘’strange; not for us at The Marriage Foundation. What you will read here is what should be normal for everyone. Sad but true, but in today’s world divorce is what is considered normal. So are unhappy marriages that are just hanging together by a thread, and only because of the kids. Although staying together for the children is a good thing, and praiseworthy, we don’t want you to settle. We want you to have an amazing marriage, not one that is just surviving. At The Marriage Foundation we KNOW what is possible and how to make marriages, even the ones sliding toward divorce, become the kind of marriage that makes your life extraordinary, filled with happiness, love, and harmony.


#1 Make Sincere Praises Every Day

Remember when you dated, and you took any opportunity to praise your newfound soulmate? Well, it worked then, and it will work now. Praising your soulmate is not a way to flatter them into doing what you want, sincere praises truly reflect how you should always be thinking of them and about them. It overwhelms any negative thoughts you may be entertaining. In other words, praises move your thinking in the right direction, toward heartfelt gratitude that you married them and love them. It is especially true when you don’t feel like it. That is the time to shift the mind, to smile, and remind them how handsome or beautiful they are and how happy you are together.


#2 Ignore the “Problems” Between You

Yes, I know this runs contrary to what every therapist and traditional marriage counselor will tell you, but remember, I made my living as a divorce mediator because of the terrible advice that “you should talk things out”. NO! You should NOT talk things out. That will only bring both your attention to what bugs you and them. They will naturally reciprocate with their complaints, and BAM! You are soon in a full-fledged no-winner, no-win, argument and both of you will walk away frustrated and angry. The best thing for you to do is challenge your own thinking and motivation to make sure you are doing your best as their soulmate, understanding they have free will and that their opinions are theirs, and are all fine even when they don’t match your own. Reaching into your heart to express love is the right way to lift your marriage up, not by reaching “agreements.” It is love that got you married and love that will keep you married.

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#3 Don’t Trust Your Mind, Love Is In Your Heart

Wait, what??? I know this is new to you but that’s okay. Learning about marriage means learning new, not old stuff that is regurgitated. Learning to love unconditionally is central to the teachings we live by. The mind is not ‘you’ (the real you is a soul). The mind is a very useful computer that filters, calculates, and memorizes. Besides all the wonderful things it does for us. Unfortunately, it will get in the way of the heart by focusing on possible threats, or what it will loosely call “problems”. Remember that when those problems seem overwhelming. It is your mind, not your heart, speaking. So, get back to being grounded in the heart, the love. That is what is real.

Recall How Much You Love Them

#4 Recall How Much You Love Them

There are always going to be ups and downs in life, and we don’t need those to affect our marriage. Get grounded in the heart as we teach in our marriage help courses. It is a good idea to stop and remember how beautiful or handsome they are, how deeply you love them, and what it is you truly want, to be immersed in love and happiness. Then, using your free will, you can redirect yourself. It isn’t about avoiding the ups and downs and challenges, it is about moving with what is good and beautiful. It is about love.


#5 Keep Your Marriage a Secret

The unintended marriage educators are the movies and sitcoms we watch. It’s true, and it is pathetic. I know because I worked with movie stars, screenwriters, directors, and all those folks in Hollywood when I was working live in San Diego. They try to be cutting-edge, but they are in a world of make-believe and their stories are all canned, and way too Western psych oriented. So, while Betty tells Gladys about her sexcapades with her husband, Henry, in the latest episode remember that your marriage is all about only two of you, it’s not to be shared, with anyone. There is no upside to sharing your intimate life. If you run out of things to discuss with your girlfriend (not being sexist, just real) you can discuss Shanna’s new boyfriend.

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#6 Make Monday Special

Most people look forward to Fridays and all I can tell you is that when you have your own special day, that nobody else has, and it’s the start of the week, it is like adding burning fragrant candles to set the mood. But here you are setting the mood for the week!


#7 Sex Is Sacred so Have it Often

There is so much controversy over when, how, how often, and all that because, to be perfectly candid, sex is as misunderstood as platypuses. To keep it simple, sex is not about getting off or fancy positioning. It is about connecting with your soulmate by using your body. Too many use it as a form of masturbation or recreation. Some therapists say its okay to openly talk about imagining someone else…how insane is that?? Well, the TMF marriage counselors we train would never be so dumb. Marriage is sacred, your communication is sacred, and your physical intimacy is sacred. 

Paul Friedman
Paul Friedman
Founder, The Marriage Foundation
Paul devised an entirely new approach to marriage that empowers individuals to finally understand and cultivate expanding happiness and love in their marriages.

He has written two books, produced several video educational programs, regularly speaks on marriage, and founded The Marriage Foundation as a non-profit organization.

Our mission is to end divorce by spreading Paul's revolutionary marriage system around the world. We have helped thousands of individuals and couples for nearly 20 years and in over 45 countries.