It appears there are a number of reasons people suffer. Anger in your marriage (and in every day life) is a big one. The suffering comes from not being able to get past it, over it, or control it.
But now there is no longer a need to live with anger in your marriage, because of the SEW technique, found only in The Marriage Foundation teachings.
Nor must you live with ineffective anger management programs that keep you on the edge (better than going over the edge, but not good enough for us). You can end anger’s curse.
The reasons for anger to rear its ugly head are numerous, to be sure, but the cause, which is what is so necessary to understand is very “simple”. That is what we go to; the cause, for your understanding. Then our SEW technique, when used according to how it is taught in our program, will defeat anger, right where it is vulnerable.
Most People Are Mislead About What Anger Really Is
Anger is never you. Le’s begin right there. You may say “I am angry”, but it is a false statement. The more accurate way to express the temporary state of anger would be “my mind is angry”.
“YOU”, are NOT your mind!
The Western Psychological community “teachings” leave out the most important fact, that we are souls, who have a body, and a mind. They imagine a mind to be the center of your universe, the controller over your life; it isn’t so.
Here is an excerpt from a well known psychologist, Gregg Henriques, which is, effectively, nonsense He wrote. “Freud’discovered’ over a century ago and is now well-known by modern day psychologists (see, e.g., Tim Wilson’s Strangers to Ourselves)–consciousness is only a small portion of mental processes.”
They proudly make this stuff up! It’s true. All of Western psychological “teachings” are created in the imaginative minds of the professors, “backed up” by what others made up before them. Why? Why do they have to make it all up? Because they think it isn’t cool to suggest you are a soul. That may make them look “unscientific” in their own eyes, and the eyes of their peers. But I have met a number of psychologists who pass their boards review, and still get the truth. But they cannot openly admit the basic, common-sense truth that
- You are soul who has a mind, and therefore you
- Can control your mind, because it is yours.
So they dance around the obvious and miss helping people. In their constrained world they cannot adequately explain anger, emotions (anger is not, in the truest sense, an emotion), love, and other “feelings”. But they have to try, so they come up with concoctions that defy logic. So, I ask you, how can you deal with anger if you don’t know what it is?
Anger is the instinctive reaction of the mind to its not getting it’s way. Truly, when all is said and done, and you scrape away all of the reasons that trigger the anger, that is all there is to it.
The reason is because the body, any body, is driven to survive; right? You would remember this from school. It is indisputable that survival is the primary function of all life forms, including ours. So, the inter-relationship between your body and mind has implanted the drive-to-survive in your subconscious. It reacts well before you consciously perceive danger. Your subconscious mind tells your mind you’re are in danger, and it reacts. Anger is the first primal reaction to danger. Not getting it’s way is “dangerous”, so your mind is angered.
I hope this short explanation is adequate. Although it is impossible to share the whole SEW technique in an article, I want you to understand the basis. Believe me, if I shared the technique in this fashion you would not be able to derive its benefits. I have tried! I want the anger in your marriage to be gone. But you must do the work. Take the course
Why Anger Management Protocols Are A Poor Resource
The reason anger management programs are inadequate is primarily because Western psychology does not have a realistic understanding of the mind. It sounds crazy, I know. But its true.
Ask any ten psychologist, and 9 out of 10 will tell you your soul is an abstract thought of your mind. In other words a soul is nothing but an imagined idea… So, who is in charge? Does this mean, as it must, that the mind tells the mind what to do? Where do “you” come into the picture??
The premise we rely on is that you, the soul, control your mind. The mind, your mind, is a possession. It is a tool you have total control over. But, they keep telling us, in various ways, That we cannot control it. Some say you can trick it, into doing what “you” want, as in this article. But they do not, ever, say what that “you” is. Well, I who am a soul, can control mine. And I have shown thousands how to control theirs. By learning how to control your mind you will get rid of the anger habit.
You are a soul. Of course you can control your mind!
Your mind is amazing. But its nothing without a soul to manage it. When you practice the SEW you will see how much power you have over it. You will have enough power so that when your mind starts to become angry you will have the power to stop it, dead in its tracks.
There is too much misinformation in our purview to just lob the idea that you can control your mind. ideas like “we are creatures of habits” or “you can’t change”, or “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” etc.
The SEW technique was not originally conceived of to fight anger in your marriage. But it does.
I didn’t always know about the SEW technique, or believe me, my own life would have been a lot better, a lot sooner. It wasn’t until the 90’s that I even thought I had a problem with anger. I thought anger was just part of being a man. So I allowed my anger to jump in, any time.
I actually thought of anger as a friend of sorts. I used it to intimidate people to get my way. In my first marriage I used it all the time; unchecked. It wasn’t until I realized that I could not stop my anger at will that I saw I had a problem. Now, you may think that is not what you are going through. Granted. But, it actually is. Even if your anger was “caused” by say, your husband’s infidelity, it is the same crippling thing.
From that point of realization I tried everything, from psychological to spiritual techniques, to rid myself of it. I didn’t do so well. I could tell you all the stories, from my curling up on the ground, to calling all my friends (pre facebook) to ask for prayers, to falling on my knees… on and on. But it owned me!
By use of sheer determined will I got it mostly under control, but it took ten years, and it never was far from the scene. It haunted me. If you have anger you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Then, in 2003, when I shifted my practice from divorce mediation to marriage help, I discovered a serious problem. I’m sure its not a shock to anyone, but I discovered if anyone wanted to change anything about themselves it was a massive undertaking, and required baby steps.
This problem was serious, because when someone saw something about themselves that needed to be changed right away they couldn’t just do it. They were owned by their habits. I decided the underlying problem (The Marriage Foundation is all about fixing underlying problems) is habits; subconscious, deeply entrenched habits.I had to have a way people could deal with habits; right now, and always. Because it is all about habits! Your good habits are great, but the bad habits are brutal. And from everything your read, almost everywhere, habits are going to doom you to remain who you are for the rest of your life.
I could not accept that. I trust God to be a loving God, who wants us to succeed, and here I was watching good people lose their families over, what came down to, trifling habits. Think about it. Men who use porn; habits. Men who stray; habits. Men who abuse; habits. Women who criticize; habits. Women who get mad; habits. Do you really think that these problems are just “natural responses” to the other? No, they are not, and those who want to correct the other to save their marriage are unrealistic. But let’s not go there now.
The point is I needed a technique to give to my couples so they could start a new life together. The past? The past cannot be fixed or reconciled. The past is the past. But the future, and the present, can be dramatically changed. If God would show me the way, I would write it down. And I am not embarrassed to tell you that I turn to God for the big things, and the little things.
The key is in the fact that the mind is your’s and you the soul are king. But the king needs to exert its power over a rebellious mind, comprised of out of hand servants i.e. imagination, memory, judgment etc. So, after much prayer, meditation, thinking, and analysis, I came up with it.
The technique I developed, SEW, is for ending any habit at will. It works seamlessly (kind of in the background), and works for pretty much anyone. People who use a lot of drugs and alcohol hurt their will power, and so the technique is more difficult for them to establish. Otherwise, it works for almost everyone, right away.
Empty promises do more harm than good
Individuals have to be able to do more than just say “I will never do that again”. But because of habits that is usually what happens. My SEW technique, however, gives you direct power over the mind, just when you need it the most.
When you start to use the SEW you will find it very difficult; everyone does. But within days, you start to see some serious results. I told you about the problems I had with anger, and its as good a testimonial as there is. Once I had the SEW, I began using it myself. The lurking anger receded more and more. Now, I can tell you that anger has not been a problem, at all, for many years. I cannot tell you that anger never shows itself, because the mind is always connected to a body so will always react instinctively. But I just brush it off like a fly that lands on my shoulder.
I am not the only one, of course. thousands use the SEW, as it is the first part of our marriage program. It has to be. Whatever you learn about your marriage is useless unless you can make changes. The SEW will be your lifesaver!
Anger is one thing. The habit of uncontrolled anger is another
Anger happens, and it always will, because it is the mind’s instinctive reaction to not getting its way. Really, that’s all it is! But when we think it is “us” instead of just the mind, and you think “I” am angry, instead of “My mind” is angry, we get into hot water, and it impacts our marriage, our life, our health, our happiness, and all those around us. That is when you need to deal with it!
Bottom line is that it is only one, among the important habits we need to conquer in order to make our marriage amazing. So, in our program it is pretty much the first thing you will study and learn. Please, don’t put off your happiness. Don’t let anger in your marriage cripple you. Let us show you the golden path of marital happiness.