Unveiling the Truth: Why The Marriage Foundation Advises Against Traditional Marriage Counseling

Unlocking the Science of Marriage: Paul Friedman’s Journey from Divorce Mediator to Marriage Savior
Discover the revolutionary practical science of marriage through the inspiring journey of Paul Friedman, a former successful San Diego divorce mediator. Explore articles and videos by Paul, available on YouTube, covering a wide range of topics to help individuals rediscover lost happiness in their failing marriages.
Unveiling the Truth: Why The Marriage Foundation Advises Against Traditional Marriage Counseling

Discover the reasons why The Marriage Foundation cautions against marriage counseling, despite recognizing the goodwill and intentions of the marriage counselors, themselves.

Exploring the flaws in traditional counseling approaches compared with the alternative perspectives I discovered, and have ‘tested’ for over 22 years will impress you. 

I was friends with many marriage counselors while I was a divorce mediator in San Diego and I liked them, and not because they sent me business. People who become marriage counselors are good people. They didn’t get into psychology because they were oddballs as so many people think. Besides, all of us are oddballs to someone. They are sincere people who wish to help the world, by helping people get through their problems. They lend an ear, or a shoulder. Like in any “group,” there are great ones and also treacherous ones. But for the most part, they will help you if they can and will go out of their way to do so. So, with all my sincere praise you may wonder why at The Marriage Foundation we always advise people to steer clear of marriage counseling. It isn’t because they are bad people, that’s for sure. It is because what they were taught, and now teach, is basically wrong, and altogether useless for marriage. Strong words? Yes, but sometimes the plain truth is like that.

Unveiling the Truth Behind
Common Misconceptions

#1 The Impact of Divorce on Children

The kids truly suffer
It used to be common knowledge and it is certainly clear from statistics (much of which is not so easy to find, anymore), that children from broken homes do terribly compared to their counterparts who come from intact, especially loving, families. The ‘disinformation’ has been spread because the trend in the psychological community has moved toward suggesting separation and divorce, and then working in therapy with the family members, especially moms. This is, as far as I can tell, a “business decision” which evolved because psychologists have simply not been given marriage-saving training and tools. They could not save marriages with what they knew. So, in short, “if you cannot prevent an accident at least have a good hospital handy to heal the broken bones”.
I placed this as number one because of all the untruths this one affects children, and children are the greatest victims of divorce. And, like all psychologists and social workers, I tend to try to help the weakest, the most in need, first.

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TMF Marriage Counselors

#2 Pitfalls of Discord-Based
Advice, Rethinking Divorce Recommendations

When it comes to relationship troubles, the default advice often given to a couple who are just not getting along is to consider divorce. However, this discord-based approach to marriage guidance misses the point that a couple is looking for help. They already know they don’t get along and so they want help so they can have a good marriage.

It is crucial for couple’s counselors to rethink their divorce recommendations and consider alternative perspectives that prioritize the potential for growth and healing within the relationship. That’s why we are now emphasizing retraining traditional marriage counselors into using our own marriage counselor training course.

One of the main pitfalls of discord-based advice is its failure to acknowledge the spiritual essence of relationships and to acknowledge that there is a science to it. They think “oh, this is too far gone” or “if they aren’t getting along they can do better elsewhere.” But that just is not true. Every partnership goes through ups and downs before at least one of them learns the sciences of marriage. So, periods of discord, even stretching on for years, does not indicate irreparable damage. In fact, conflict is an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding, a wakeup call, when approached with an open mind and a willingness to work on themselves in a prescribed manner (see our courses for those who are experiencing challenges in their marriage).

Divorce should not be viewed as a quick fix, or an easy way out of relationship difficulties. It is the opposite of an escape. It is a significant decision that has long-lasting consequences for both individuals involved, as well as any children or family members affected. Rushing into divorce without considering the professional help we offer will lead to regret and missed opportunities for personal and relational growth.

Moreover, basing divorce recommendations solely on the presence of discord fails to address the underlying absence of true marriage understanding that is surely causing the relationship challenges. It is essential to explore the root causes of conflict. By “learning and applying” what we teach individuals can work on overcoming relationship challenges and unlocking the potential of Your marriage and rebuild a new, stronger foundation.

Another pitfall of discord-based advice is its failure to account for the emotional and psychological impact of divorce on both partners and any children involved. Divorce is an emotionally traumatic experience, causing feelings of grief, loss, and upheaval. It is essential to consider the potential long-term consequences on mental health, financial stability, and overall well-being before opting for divorce as the default solution.

Instead of rushing towards divorce, couples facing relationship discord should seek help from our individual courses for women or men. Either course, taken by only one of you, individually, will work.

The prevailing notion that discord is an automatic justification for divorce oversimplifies the rush for a “solution”. Rethinking the idea of individual growth and healing within the relationship is the better way. By embracing our approach couples find that their relationship can overcome discord and thrive in the face of challenges.

#3 Beyond Surface Symptoms: Unraveling the True Causes of Marital Dysfunction

Marital dysfunction is almost always associated with surface-level symptoms such as arguing, financial problems, and infidelity. However, these visible issues are never the true causes of the challenges faced within a marriage. To effectively address and overcome marital dysfunction, it is essential to understand the achievable reasons for, and thus the very goals of marriage, itself. Happiness, love, and harmony are why we want to be married and I discovered that only by approaching one’s marriage with those goals in mind can we finally achieve them, and not by working on “issues” or complaints.

Arguing is a common symptom of marital discord, but it is important to recognize that arguments are a lack of understanding of each other and of marital-communication “rules”. When just one of you learns the true definition of marriage, that couple will enjoy healthier communication patterns that bring love, happiness, and harmony to their lives.

Financial problems are thought to be another common stressor in marriages. While financial difficulties can strain a relationship, they are not the cause of marital dysfunction.

Infidelity is the number one devastating betrayal that can lead to marital breakdown, and our clients almost all suffer from that in one form or another, from porn use to affairs. But it is crucial to understand that infidelity itself is another symptom. It is escaping issues within the relationship. It indicates a lack of spiritual connection, and unmet needs. Rebuilding trust and addressing the underlying causes of the infidelity are possible through the step-by-step process I developed that is now almost 100% effective.

TMF Marriage counselors who are trained in the higher dynamics of love and happiness can help guide those who choose our courses. They provide a safe and supportive environment for open and honest communication, helping individuals utilize our effective methods and techniques that bring about the ultimate marriage in spite of what they have had to go through before they found us.

Surface symptoms such as arguing, financial problems, and infidelity are not the true causes of marital dysfunction.

Discover Our Approach to
Building Stronger Marriages

#4 Marriage & Spirituality: Enhancing Love and Harmony

Marriage is a spiritual journey. Incorporating spiritual and religious perspectives elevates love, happiness, and harmony within your relationship. Marriage is, in truth, a Spiritual Path, a sacred bond where two soulmates embark on a path of love and joy. By cultivating a deeper connection beyond the material, you tap into the wellspring of love and soul qualities like compassion and understanding in a natural way, nothing is forced.

Embracing spiritual principles to transcend challenges and infuse your union with divine guidance is common sense. Religious teachings also provide a moral compass, encouraging, not forcing, values such as fidelity, forgiveness, and selflessness.

Integrating spiritual and religious truths into your marriage leads to profound transformation. Experience a love that goes beyond emotional happiness.

Love is both the ultimate spiritual experience and marital experience. It is the foundation of marriage. Pursuing happiness and seeking unity and harmony are spiritual aspirations.

Remember, marriage is rooted in spirituality. Love, happiness, and harmony are the driving forces that fuel your souls. Embrace the spiritual journey and nurture a love that flourishes.

#5 Unveiling the Power of Spiritual Understanding in Marriage

Psychology undoubtedly plays a significant role in society, offering insights into human behavior and helping identify potential risks. It allows us to understand criminals, spies, and adversaries. However, when it comes to marriage, we must transcend these conventional avenues. Marriage is a realm of shared consciousness, a microcosm of love and joy that requires spiritual understanding.

At The Marriage Foundation, we recognize the unique nature of marriage and the need for specialized training to support couples on their marital journey. Our comprehensive programs equip marriage counselors with the right tools and insights to navigate the intricacies of relationships with a spiritual perspective. If you aspire to become a TMF marriage counselor and make a difference in the lives of couples, click here to explore the opportunity.

In this evolving world, the importance of marriage cannot be overstated. As we leave behind the days of war and strife, the collective consciousness of humanity is ascending to higher realms. Your marriage holds immense significance—it is too precious to lose or endure without the joy and love that it promises.

At The Marriage Foundation, our dedication lies in helping you reclaim the essence of your marriage. We believe that by embracing spiritual understanding, you can unlock the true potential of your union. Whether you seek guidance, tools, or resources, our mission is to provide unwavering support on your marital journey.

Your marriage deserves the utmost care and attention. Join us as we empower couples with spiritual insights, fostering love, harmony, and lasting joy. Together, let us embark on a transformative path towards a fulfilled and meaningful marriage.

Click here to embark on your journey towards a thriving and spiritually enriched marriage.