Introduction: A Scholarly Approach to Restoring Your Soulmate Connection
Greetings, I am Paul Friedman, founder of The Marriage Foundation. This is for women seeking to heal their marriage that is breaking up because of emotional distance. I’ll draw from over 25 years of research, my many years of private practice in marital restoration, and now, our experience with those who come to us at The Marriage Foundation. What I share also relies on universal principles and spiritual science, as well as psychophysiological sciences. It is unfortunate but I am convinced that Western Psychological approaches have proven unfit for marriage as they fail to include a true understanding of the soul, mind, and body, and hierarchy which we know to be basic and essential. This treatise will explain how and why couples lose their soulmate connection over time to distancing but shouldn’t. My goal is to give you the keys to, and a successful path to healing, as is the basis for the Marriage Course for Women we offer through our website.
You’ve already noticed that your husband is more emotionally distant than connected. Perhaps things have gotten so off track that your home is nearly devoid of the feelings you shared when you met, courted and made the idea of marriage exciting. This withdrawal leaves you feeling unseen, unloved, and isolated, possibly prompting fears that your marriage is on a trajectory toward separation or divorce. You may even perceive this distance as a form of betrayal, questioning whether it can be overcome. Allow me to introduce the idea to you that your husband feels the same way; it is not good for either of you. A foundational truth derived from my extensive experience is that your marriage is reparable. Your marriage is a union between two souls, a sacred institution ordained by God to cultivate happiness and unconditional love—and it can be restored. It might only take this article to get you back on track. But if not, you can always read one of my books, either Breaking the Cycle, or Lessons for a Happy Marriage. If things are going downhill fast, and you can reach out to my TMF marriage counselors for confirmation (it is free) then you may need the aforementioned course for women. Now is not the time to give up, not at all. Now is the time to learn and apply.
Thank you. I love the no-fight rule. Last night my husband said “goodnight” to me for the first time ever. He said that he was relieved that we had had a weekend last weekend where we hadn’t had a fight.
Laurel
San Jose CA
What One Should Expect from their Marriage
The mainstream views of marriage and what one should expect are atrociously lacking. When you learn more, you will agree that accepted definitions of marriage are, at best, “horse and buggy” ideas, compared to what a functional marriage is designed to deliver. Let’s start thinking of your marriage as a sacred system, akin to a scientific model governed by universal laws, much like the principles of physics and mathematics.
When you live your marriage according to correct and right principles of marriage there is no need to focus on or address problems and issues because your marriage is a living garden of love. It becomes a thriving dynamo, growing in joy and connection. But, when the governing laws are misunderstood or neglected, the ecosystem falters, and eventually fails. However, with proper understanding, it will thrive. This is a truth I didn’t know until 2001. Back then I served as a divorce mediator, observing the dissolution of countless marriages under the weight of all sorts of painful symptoms similar to what you may now be experiencing. At that time, I subscribed to the usual societal belief that some marriages were beyond saving. In retrospect, that normal thinking is quite sad. However, a pivotal moment occurred when a couple approached me, a communications expert, not to facilitate their divorce, but to save their union. I consulted with my colleagues in psychology, but their Western methodologies—centered on excavating issues and promoting confrontation—proved ineffective, leaving the couple mired in their struggles. It became evident that Western psychology, which reduces love to a mere “increased like” (see this definition), lacks the spiritual depth required for true marital healing. Love, I discovered, is an attribute of the soul, as is joy, and marriage is the divine path to both.
The solo path to marriage happiness is superior to couple’s counseling
The above realization prompted a rigorous eight-years of meeting with hundreds if not thousands, honing approaches and models that brought marriages to the most efficient path of happiness producing efforts. In the beginning of my journey, I naturally believed, as most people do, that working with couples is the “how”. But I soon discovered this generally accepted idea is deadly to the vast amount of suffering marriages. My experiments, honing, and creating, that culminated in the establishment of TMF in 2009 where our soul mission is marital restoration, was all the proof I needed that a solo effort is the only way to heal a marriage. The core principle I offer is this: you can heal your marriage independently, focusing on your own internal transformation, without requiring his ‘reluctant’ engagement. In other words, you will lead the way, not push or pull, or confront. Confrontation or “working on issues” is a flawed approach, as it triggers his self-preservation instincts, leading to a fight-or-flight response. Instead, TMF’s methodology emphasizes self-focused growth, aligning with universal laws to restore your soulmate connection. Let us embark on this scholarly journey together to reclaim the divine love intended for your marriage.
Part 4 of communication brought me to tears. God actually spoke to me through Paul. “You are a soul,” and I want you to enjoy your marriage, which I created for you to have the most amazing experience possible. There’s no past, no concerns, no threats, no fears. Just love your soulmate in his imperfect state. You have free will. What are you going to do with what I gave you?”; It’s not a coincidence that I came back to TMF. Thank God for you and for bringing me to you.
Leely
Related Article: Healing Your Marriage from Betrayal: A Proven Guide for Women
Let’s pretend you are sitting in my classroom
Lecture 1: Understanding Emotional Distance as a Symptom
Let us begin by clarifying a critical concept: your husband’s emotional distance is not the root cause of your marital challenges—it is a symptom. It is an indication, a wakeup call telling you there is a need to nurture your soulmate connection. During my years as a mediator, I encountered numerous women distressed by their husband’s withdrawal. After years of marriage and family life they described their spouse as “a stranger,” lamenting the loss of intimacy. You may share this sentiment, questioning whether his distance reflects a lack of love or perhaps some fault on your part. I don’t ascribe to blame, so don’t worry about that. I won’t scold you. My experience says that his withdrawal is not a reflection of your worth, but rather an indication of his internal disconnection from the soul’s natural state of love. It isn’t you, it isn’t him. Think more like your relationship is a beautiful fruit tree that has not been pruned or fertilized so it looks pretty bad. But, it is not dead.
Western psychological approaches, which lack a spiritual foundation, would advocate for confrontation—“Express your feelings!”—or an analysis of “why” he is distant. This is a flawed paradigm. Confrontation activates his self-preservation mechanisms, exacerbating the divide, while analysis fosters judgment, eroding your marriage’s sacred space. At TMF, our 25 years of empirical evidence demonstrate that addressing “issues” is a threshold to criticism and condemnation. Instead, we apply universal principles to the very structure of your marriage, requiring you to shift your internal state, thereby altering the relational dynamic without requiring his participation. You do not need him to change first—your efforts are sufficient, provided you align with the divine principles of love. What is the most important commandment? Love with all your heart, mind, and soul. Where better to practice such a lofty way to live than your marriage to your soulmate? I have to add that those who choose couples counseling find themselves on a merry-go-round that is anything but merry.
Men who are uninspired in their marriage but have no thought of cheating on their wives and ruining their family might go to work more, spend excessive time on their devices, or prefer hanging out with their friends. You could say, defensively, that they are escaping from their own struggles—but then that leaves things as they are. This is important. You could understand emotional distance as a symptom. But why waste time? Because you can understand his distancing as a wake-up call and get busy. When you choose that perspective, you can do something about it. When you follow the path I discovered that leads to happiness, harmony, and deepening love, you will be successful and so will he.
Lecture 2: Understanding Your Mind so You Can Transcend Emotional Pain
As women, you serve as the heart of your home. The distinguishing characteristics of a woman are psychophysiological, just as the characteristics of men are psychophysiological. This means our minds are driven by physiological imperatives based on the drive to survive. Every cell, individual, or combined is embedded with this drive. This is inescapable. A woman is usually nurturing, loving, and resilient because God made her the one who bears children, so she better be. But being a woman who feels so deeply is a two-edged sword. Your love and ability to express it are what your man needs above all else because he is not as connected to his heart. So you are, in effect, his heart. But you’re hurt too deeply when you feel him pulling away, so you close your heart off, which makes it worse, because then he pulls away more, and then you both get caught in a descending cycle. To transcend the pain, you must recognize that your mind, with all its emotions, is not you. Your mind is like a computer that, in reality, does not reflect the true you, the soul, but only reports dangers. The mind is where emotions lie. You are the soul, capable of love to such a degree that when you align with your true nature, no emotion can bother you, you are love., When his withdrawal strikes, it is striking the mind, not you. Remember that, then put your hand on your heart and repeat “I am God’s love in my marriage to love my soulmate”. Your mind will gravitate toward fear: “He no longer loves me.” This reaction is understandable, but it does not serve the sacred space of your marriage, which is defined by happiness, love, and harmony. I developed the SEW technique (Stop, Evaluate, Wisdom) to empower women to take control of their emotional responses.
The SEW technique is structured as follows:
- Stop: Use your willpower to stop all thoughts and feelings.
- Evaluate: Reflect, “Does this reaction foster love?”
- Wisdom: Replace pain with the highest truth: love.
Consider the case of a woman I advised, whose husband had grown distant after years of professional stress. Using SEW, she paused during a moment of his withdrawal, smiled, and said, “I appreciate our quiet moments.” He looked up, surprised, and over time, he began to engage more. As a TMF participant, Sarah from Denver noted on TMF reviews, “This course provided clarity—my marriage is healing.” You can begin this transformative process with our 3-day free trial for the women’s course, structured with milestones to ensure your success.
Watch this TMF video to explore the SEW technique:
Lecture 3: Leading with Unconditional Love Without Expectations
Let’s examine the principle of unconditional love, a cornerstone of TMF’s philosophy. God created you as a soul endowed with infinite love—you do not require your husband’s engagement to express it. TMF teaches that love is not contingent upon his actions or responses; it is a divine attribute of your soul, aligning with God’s design for your happiness. When you offer love unconditionally, you experience its joy—a universal law as immutable as gravity. Do not wait for him to bridge the emotional gap—lead with love, expecting nothing in return.
Consider these practical applications:
- Send a text during his distance: “I love you always-no matter what.”
- Prepare his favorite beverage, present it with a smile, seeking no reciprocation.
- Speak sincerely: “You are my soulmate—I love ‘Us.”
I have witnessed this principle transform countless marriages. One woman, whose husband had withdrawn after a career setback, began expressing love without demands. She would sit with him, share a warm smile, and express gratitude for his presence. Within weeks, he began to open up, sensing her genuine love. In Breaking the Cycle, I delve into how love rebuilds connection. An Amazon reviewer stated, “Paul’s insights taught me to love without expecting—it saved us.” Lead with love, and he will feel the shift in your spirit.
Lecture 4: The Power of Individual Transformation in Marriage
A fundamental tenet of TMF’s approach is this: you can only heal your marriage independently; couples counseling is the gateway to divorce. The first couple I worked with in 2001 illuminated this truth. They were my first and almost my only “couple”. Initially, I worked with couples, but I quickly identified the flaws in that method. Couples’ sessions devolve into conflict, competition, blame, and accusations, and sometimes flirting with the counselor, with no progress. Even reputable counselors, such as those employing Gottman methods, acknowledge that couples counseling frequently fails unless both partners are fully committed, a rarity. Often, one seeks to save their marriage while the other participates merely to reduce tension. At TMF, we focus on individual transformation, as it is the most effective path to healing.
Our women’s course, with a 3-day free trial, provides a structured framework—12 weeks of video classes, counselor support, lifetime access, and clear milestones for positive outcomes. I advised a woman whose husband had become distant after years of stress. She enrolled in our course, focused on her ‘personal’ growth, and loved him without demands. He noticed her transformation within weeks—she was calmer, joyful, and loving. He eventually inquired about the course, and they added him at a discounted rate. Over 25 years, we’ve observed this pattern: when you align with God’s laws, your transformation often inspires his.
Watch this TMF video to understand this principle:
Lecture 5: Safeguarding Your Children’s Future
For those with children, the stakes of healing your marriage are profoundly more significant. As a mediator, I witnessed the devastating impact of divorce on children, which is confirmed by countless studies. Their world collapses, and the effects are enduring, extending to future generations. You may come from a broken family and can speak to this truth yourself. Research, such as this study from the American Academy of Pediatrics, is just one of many that confirms that children of divorce are forced into a life they didn’t sign up for, including behavioral issues, early substance use, and premature sexual activity. Your marriage, thank God, regardless of his current distance, can be restored. TMF’s approach defies conventional outcomes—we facilitate rapid turnarounds, with tangible results noticed within days or weeks.
“I started the program for women almost a month ago. It has definitely been an eye-opener for me. I am still in the first section on how the mind works and the SEW principles. I am doing well with using this principle to stop and not react, guarding my mouth, and using positive thoughts to move on without reacting negatively. I find myself responding lovingly and respectfully to my spouse’s negative remarks. Knowing I am in control is a comfort to me.”
Reann Fort Worth
My stance from day one has been that you safeguard your children’s future by healing your marriage. It is a win-win. This is how you model the love you wish them to emulate in real life. You are saying without words: “Daddy is my soulmate—we are a strong team.” Create a home of harmony, where your love provides a stable foundation. A mother I worked with, on the brink of divorce after years of emotional distance, took our course and transformed. She began laughing with her children again, and her husband was nearby. Her daughter later said, “Mommy’s happy now.” Your children deserve that joy, and your marriage can provide it.
Lecture 6: Rebuilding Connection Through Divine Wisdom
Connection, not confrontation, restores your soulmate bond. Western methods, such as “talking it out,” fail—they foster judgment and push him further away. Our simple approach, grounded in God’s wisdom, emphasizes positivity and love. Consider these strategies to reconnect:
- Express gratitude: no more taking his efforts for granted.
- Share a vision: the two of you embracing in true love is the vision to hold onto.
- Offer presence: Be with him and his love, not chattering aimlessly or doing business when you are together. There are no words needed.
Love alone, manifested in silent commitment, rebuilds the sacred space of your marriage. In Lessons for a Happy Marriage, I provide further strategies for reconnection. An Amazon reviewer noted, “Paul’s methods brought us back—simple, spiritual, effective.” Connection is a matter of the heart, not the spoken word.
Lecture 7: Addressing Distance with Wisdom
Distance is not betrayal—it is a sign that he and you struggle to connect with your soul’s natural state of love. In my mediation days, I observed true betrayals—infidelity, constant conflict—but emotional distance was never the end. It is a signal to restore your soulmate connection. Asking him, “Why are you so distant?” will push him further into withdrawal, annoying him or maybe activating his fight-or-flight response. Instead, view this as an opportunity to deepen your love. Focus on your own growth: why does his distance cause you pain? It reflects a longing for the connection you once shared.
I worked with a woman whose husband had grown distant after a family loss. Rather than pressing him to open up, she focused on creating joy by cultivating devotion. Over time, he began to mirror her warmth, drawn to her renewed light. Let the light of love provide that path.
Lecture 8: Leveraging TMF’s Women’s Course for Transformation
TMF’s women’s course offers a structured framework—12 weeks of online video classes, direct communication with TMF counselors, a 3-day free trial, lifetime access, and, for those on a budget we have a plan with a cost of less than $10 a week, billed monthly. Unlike Western counseling, it includes clear instructions, milestones, and positive outcomes. (see this study). Traditional methods fail because they focus on issues, not love. TMF’s approach, with a 30-day guarantee, is proven effective—I’ve seen it save countless marriages.
A participant, Lisa from Chicago, shared on TMF reviews, “Paul’s course changed everything—my husband is opening up again.” Another woman noted, “I healed my marriage in weeks—better than years of therapy.” For additional growth, consider MindTools on self-learning—a non-competitive resource to support your journey.
Conclusion: Your Marriage, God’s Divine Design
You and your husband experiencing distance is a signal to restore your soulmate connection. I have made it a top goal for my clients because it is what marriage is all about: connection. From proper connection comes the happiness, love, and harmony you should not just wish for, but expect. To achieve it takes work that is well worth undertaking. I have worked hard to make it all a system. Mastering your mind, leading with love, embracing your power, safeguarding your children, rebuilding connection, addressing distance with insight, and to get it all, and yes, you can have it all, is by using our women’s course, which ensures lasting transformation. God designed your marriage for happiness and unconditional love. Begin today with the 3-day free trial, explore Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for a Happy Marriage, and subscribe on YouTube for further guidance.