The 4 Truths You Need to Know Before Fixing Your Marriage

Allow me to share these four definitive and liberating truths about marriage. They are based on over 25 years of marriage-fixing experience. What you find in my books, YouTube videos, and online courses is based on these four truths. They have never let anyone down because they are foundational.

Choosing the right “solo” tool for your current or overall situation isn’t as complicated as most people think. This will help you.

An “incident” in a happy marriage
You are both human and make mistakes. They don’t “accumulate”. You can consider how your part could have been better so you learn, share a smile, and move on – it’s okay. When you understand your spouse, they feel loved, so you don’t need to lose sleep over the small stuff— keep showing love and enjoy your marriage. You may wish to take advantage of our Free articles, short videos, and our Or Ask a Counselor (free). If you’d like to study marriage, consider reading one of our books – either together or solo. Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for a Happy Marriage.

A rough patch – Things are strained and frustrating
No pointing fingers, blaming, or fuming. Frustration and uncertainty are common but an unnecessary state of marriage. The universal underlying problem is merely a lack of basic marriage knowledge and skills. It’s ironic considering all of us get married! Our two books have been well described as manuals. They common-sensically point the way with “I can do that” guidance. – Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for a Happy Marriage. Or Ask a Counselor (free)

Close to separation
Most people know when their marriage is at or beyond the edge. Don’t be afraid – this is our wheelhouse – why we started TMF, to save “unsavable” marriages. Our complete 12-week, online solo program with access to our TMF marriage counselors is the most effective marriage-saving system we know of. You learn how to stop the trend, reverse it, and make learn your way to happiness. Guidance is delivered with respect and understanding.

I want to inspire you to approach the now painful situation you have with your husband or wife with a positive mindset. I want you to know there is a proven way to fix your marriage. What we offer at TMF is the ultimate shortcut. Not that it’s “fast.” But it is grounded in reality; these four truths will set a foundation for your marriage-fixing journey. You won’t have to fear anything anymore.

Truth #1 about Marriage – Fixing

Marriage, though comprised of many facets, is simple, intelligible, and learnable.    When you peel away all the emotions, dramas, and hurt feelings. When you get beyond the labels, complaints, and frustrations, when you set aside the fears and the what-ifs, in other words, when you look at your, or any, marriage with the desire to see its inherent ‘structure’, and you focus on learning all about marriage, the way you learned about driving or any other important subject, you won’t require a do this, don’t do that instruction sheet. You will know how to reconnect with the love that brought you together in the first place.  You will see how your marriage (all marriages) is ‘constructed’ to serve the purpose of igniting your happiness and love. I cannot overstate how valuable, no, critical! a proper marital education is as you learn how to recover from past errors.
Note – It is a colossal mistake to imagine that your years of experience have given you enough marriage education and all you need is a little guidance.

Truth #2 about Marriage – Fixing

Marriages are saved by one partner 95% of the time, either the husband or the wife.    The other 5% happens occasionally,  when both husband and wife are eager to face the challenges at the same time, enthusiastically.

Marriage, while you are living together, is an individual’s pursuit of happiness.

1. Your primary connection (of importance) is on the heart, or soul, level, and you must learn individually, according to your gender, the science of marriage.   As you learn to live your marriage “from your perspective,” you won’t be distracted by your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, flaws, and errors. You can concentrate on your own education and growth, and your marriage fixing will progress as it should.
2. Every honest therapist will acknowledge that when a couple comes in for marriage help, there is one leading the way. The other, usually too intimidated to admit it, was dragged in. The good news is
3. Working through disputes and complaints doesn’t build your marital foundation, anyway. Even when both want to fix their marriage, they should do it individually.
   Think of your connection as a bridge that unites your two hearts (marriage means union). Only one needs to build the bridge for it to work. Build the bridge and lead by example. Nothing works better.

Truth #3 about Marriage – Fixing

Marriage is primarily a ‘spiritual’ entity. Most mainstream systems that don’t recognize this truth fail.    This truth is not about religious beliefs. I use the word spiritual to differentiate from mental and material views of marriage. As you will recall, your marriage began with your desire to be happier. Yes, there is psychological, or emotional, happiness. But the happiness you sought comes from love, and love is, by definition (not psychological), spiritual.  Love transcends the vagaries of the mind. When you experience love, which is why you got married, you are deeply happy. This truth is irrefutable yet ignored by most. That is a huge mistake.
Marriage fixing needs to be all about love, how to live it, express it, and manifest it.

Truth #4 about Marriage – Fixing

When even one partner understands marriage, it leads to predictable happiness.     “Why should the burden of fixing our marriage fall exclusively on me?” It happens that when a marriage is failing, happiness is replaced with frustration, anger, and discouragement. It can build to the point of forgetting the heartfelt vows we made to learn to love our soulmate unconditionally. Now isn’t the time to declare, “I refuse to do all the work”. Now is the time to begin your path back to love and happiness by studying marriage. Now is the time to reclaim that connection with your soulmate and once again live in the joy of marriage.

These truths form a large part of the foundation of all the teachings, courses, and books at The Marriage Foundation.