A Path to Healing After Betrayal
Hello. I’m Paul Friedman, founder of The Marriage Foundation (TMF), and I’m here to help you navigate what you are going through which is one of the most painful challenges in your marriage: discovering or suspecting that your husband is sexting or online cheating. I have seen the hurt caused by the betrayal and helped ladies through the fear that their marriage might never recover; it will. I have seen this many times in the 8 years of counseling before founding The Marriage Foundation in 2009, and then more so at TMF, because the course we have is much better than couples or personal counseling. We’ve helped thousands of women heal their marriages after betrayal. You can and must do this yourself (I’ll explain why later). So, if you’re willing to take the lead, that is my recommendation based on my over 25+ years of experience. Our way is to do more than just put a band-aid on this. This is a wake-up call for revitalizing your marriage from the bottom up. Our course for women is proven. The system has transformed marriages in crisis (the vast majority of our clients are women whose husbands have cheated on them, (often even having left). I know what I discovered is truthful, mechanical in nature, step-by-step, and works. The system I teach in online video classes, which is what you get in the course, will work for you. My confidence is based on how many women experience true success (Our reviews).
“TMF saved my marriage and my life. It enabled me to forget the past, no matter what happened. It lifted a big weight off me. There were no feelings of resentment, bitterness or hurt anymore. It didn’t matter how I was treated. It didn’t affect or phase me. There was a free feeling and the ability to rise above it all. No more subconsciously blaming or being angry inside.
I was a divorce mediator up until 2001 in San Diego. The couples who came to me were ready to dissolve their marriages, they had no hope. They were sent by my couples counselor friends, who told them there was no hope and that divorce mediation was the best way to avoid the brutal courts. But one day, a couple asked me to help save their marriage instead of finalizing the details and creating a dissolution document to end their marriage. That desperate request changed everything, and it’s good for you, too. After a deep dive into what marriage is, I now know the usual definitions are not worthy. Based on what I discovered I formulated a primitive guide that they successfully followed and are married to this day. Then, from 2001 to 2009, I dedicated myself to expanding my knowledge as I created, tested, and perfected the systems we now use at TMF—one for women and one for men—designed to heal marriages through individual transformation. Pay attention to the “individual” part, it is a big part of why you will be successful. We launched TMF as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit in 2009, with the support of a fellow mediator and ex-SEAL, and since then, we’ve helped thousands of people in over 45 countries rebuild love and harmony. Marriage isn’t a mystery, it’s a special and unique construct, definable scientifically and governed by universal principles and laws, spiritual laws. By applying these principles, you can repair your marriage after damage from sexting and/or online cheating. Let’s walk this path together, using TMF’ s teachings to restore your sacred space. Ready to begin?
This article is a spoke in our hub series—dive deeper into healing with our hub article Healing Your Marriage from Betrayal: A Proven Guide for Women.
Step 1: Master Your Mind to Process the Pain
When I say mastering your mind I am saying that you have control over your emotions. I know that most psychologists talk about honoring your emotions, but that is just silly. The mind is simply not understood correctly by Western psychologists who regard the mind as you. Discovering sexting or online cheating sent your emotions into a tailspin—anger, sadness, and betrayal, overwhelming you. But here’s the TMF truth: those emotions are a reaction that needs to be seen properly so you can move forward. The bummer discovery should be a wake-up call so you can get busy revitalizing your marriage which has fallen off track. We don’t have time for them, not emotions, memories, or anger. To heal your marriage, you must do a number of things “first”, and you can. Using our Course for Women I will take you by the hand every step of the way. When you get stuck or have a question you can reach out to our TMF marriage counselors, who were trained and certified by me. My first batch were the ones who sent me business when I was a mediator. They won’t analyze, judge, or preach; they are part of the course and only want to help you go forward toward happiness. They will help you progress to the milestones along the way to a fully functional marriage. That means a marriage that is filled with happiness and love, non-stop and all the time. You think I may be exaggerating, but I am not. Marriage is a complex construct that you never learned. We all did it, got married without correct training. Now, you can do more than recover; you can have it all.
“I just want to testify! I am committed to the SEW method and began seeing results right away and have been so inspired and motivated because it works!! But this success is on another level!!! My husband had not asked me out on a date in at least 2 years. We went separate ways and tolerated each other from a distance. This morning he asked me if I wanted to go to one of my favorite restaurants and I screamed saying you’re asking me out, yes, I’m so excited, and he smiled. It was priceless! Our marriage is being restored and it’s wonderful to have tools that work!”
Let’s be truly honest. It is not “religious” to say this, but it’s just a fact that God loves us. He wants us to be happy and He has given us marriage to learn to love unconditionally. And what is the product of loving unconditionally? Pure unmitigated joy. And I discovered that you don’t have to reach that goal but just be on that path towards it. That’s where we are going with this. In the course we begin with a basic education about ourselves, our body, and our mind. The rebellious mind has to be controlled, or it’s the source of so much trouble. To control the mind, we teach you how to use the SEW Technique™ (Stop, Evaluate, Act with Wisdom) to help you regain control. I am not kidding or trying to be something I’m not when I say that it was God who downloaded the SEW and the whole concept of the soul, mind, and body hierarchy to me, but that doesn’t matter; what matters is that it’s the most amazing tool for self-growth you will ever have. It is useful in every aspect of your life, as you will discover, but wow is it good for marriage
“I just wanted to write and thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. From day 1 of using your program and implementing SEW in my life my marriage was transformed. If you would have told me it would be this drastic of a change I would not have believed it. When I started this course I was separated from my husband. In 3 weeks we went from the brink of divorce to being best friends again. Every good and positive thing that I have implemented from this program has been reciprocated back to me by my husband. I am so astonished and happy to have something that is actually working and giving us results. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for teaching me how to be married and how to change my life for the better. I am so excited to continue to learn more and I will recommend your program to everyone I can. Again thank you so much! May God bless all your hard work!!
“Part 4 of communication brought me to tears. God actually spoke to me through Paul. “You are a soul,” and I want you to enjoy your marriage, which I created for you to have the most amazing experience possible. There’s no past, no concerns, no threats, no fears. Just love your soulmate in his imperfect state. You have free will. What are you going to do with what I gave you?”; It’s not a coincidence that I came back to TMF. Thank God for you and for bringing me to you.”
- “Stop: When pain hits—“He’s been sexting someone else!”—Stop. Don’t react with anger or accusations. Take a deep breath and step back.
- Evaluate: Ask yourself, “Is this reaction helping or hurting my marriage? Is it bringing us closer to love and harmony?” If not, it’s time to shift.
- Wisdom: Replace hurt with a healing thought. Instead of thinking, “He doesn’t love me,” try, “This is a wake-up call for both of us to rebuild our love.”
This step aligns with the universal principle that inner peace creates outer harmony. By mastering your mind, you stop the cycle of negativity and create space for healing. The above is not an exact rendition of the instructions, but it is really close. The exact rendition needs explanations so the mind can absorb and use it.
For more on understanding emotional pain from a psychological POV, check this Harvard Health guide on emotional resilience. Will this do the trick? No, I don’t use Western psychology. It is irrelevant to marriage.
Step 2: Lead with Unconditional Love, Not Blame
Easy to say? Maybe, but you cannot fly by flapping your arms, and you cannot save your marriage with blame and confrontation. The betrayal of sexting or online cheating can make you want to blame your spouse, demand answers, or withdraw completely. But blame pushes you further apart. At TMF, we teach that unconditional love—not fear or resentment—is the essence of marriage. You must lead with love, showing your spouse the woman he fell in love with, not the one who’s hurting. We don’t fix “things” we heal your marriage, starting with you from the inside out.
- Be a Source of Love: Offer small, heartfelt gestures without expecting anything in return—cook his favorite meal, leave a kind note, and give him warm sincere smiles.
- Kick Resentment out of mind: His online cheating might make your mind furious, but holding onto that anger, which is a free-will choice, keeps you stuck. Choose to see him as someone who’s lost his way, not as an enemy.
- Focus on Happiness: A happy wife creates a happy marriage. When you radiate love and joy, you naturally draw him back to you.
This step reflects the spiritual truth that love is a healing force. By learning unconditional love, you begin to shift the dynamic of your marriage, even after betrayal. I’ll be honest: you can’t do this alone. You need the TMF Course for Women to guide you.
Dive deeper into this principle with our article Unconditional Love in Marriage.
Step 3: Rebuild Connection Through Positive Actions
Confronting your husband about his sexting or online cheating will lead to more conflict, lies, and secrets. TMF’ s approach focuses on rebuilding connection through positive actions, not accusations. My teachings emphasize that you, his wife, can heal the marriage by creating an environment of love and harmony. Don’t tell him what you’re going to do—he might not believe you. It’s time for action, not words.
- Practice Positive Communication: Instead of saying, “How could you sext someone else?” try, “I love you, and I’m here to rebuild our marriage.”
- Be Patient: Real bridges take time to rebuild. Your consistent love will gradually heal your connection
- Create Shared Moments: Keep it real—small moments of connection can rebuild intimacy.
Here’s what one woman experienced:
“I was devastated when I found out about the online cheating. But Paul’s course taught me to focus on love, not blame. Within months, my husband ended the behavior, and we’re closer than ever.” – Emily K., Oregon
Learn more in our Guide to Effective Communication.
For tips on rebuilding trust, see The Gottman Institute on trust.
Step 4: Use TMF’s Proven System to Heal Your Marriage
TMF’s Course for Women is designed to help women like you heal their marriages after betrayal, including sexting or online cheating. Our proven system, with thousands of saved marriages over 25+ years, focuses on you—your growth, your happiness, and your ability to lead your marriage back to love. With unlimited counselor support, you’ll learn to master your emotions, cultivate unconditional love, and create lasting harmony.
A woman we helped—let’s call her Sarah—discovered her husband’s sexting. She enrolled in our course, focused on love and self-growth, and within weeks, he ended the destructive behavior and recommitted to their marriage. That’s the power of TMF’s system. You can read more success stories on our TMF Testimonials page.
Call to Action: Start your healing journey with a 3-day free trial of TMF’s Course for Women.
Step 5: Embrace Your Power to Heal Through Self-Growth
You don’t need your husband’s cooperation to heal your marriage after sexting or online cheating. TMF’s approach empowers you to lead the healing process by focusing on your own growth. By mastering your emotions, cultivating unconditional love, and rebuilding trust, you create a ripple effect that transforms your marriage. This principle reflects the universal truth that inner peace and love radiate outward, influencing those around you.
Here’s another success story:
“I thought our marriage was over after I found the messages. But TMF showed me how to love unconditionally, and now we’re stronger than ever. Thank you, Paul!” – Rachel M., Texas 
For a broader take on self-growth, see MindTools on Personal Development.
Bonus: Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts for Your Marriage – A Sneak Peek
To give you actionable steps right now, here’s a preview of my Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts to guide you through this crisis:
Do’s:
- Do Love Unconditionally – Love your spouse without expecting anything in return.
- Do Use the SEW Technique™ – Transform negative reactions into wisdom and love. (learn it in the course)
- Do Focus on Your changes – Change your own behavior, not his.
- Do Communicate with Love – Approach your spouse with patience and understanding.
- Do Prioritize Happiness – Live like love and joy are the foundation of your marriage.
Don’ts:
- Don’t Criticize – Criticism eclipses love; focus on appreciation instead.
- Don’t Hold Grudges – Let go of past hurts to make room for love.
- Don’t React Impulsively – Pause and choose wisdom over anger.
- Don’t Blame Your Spouse – Take responsibility for your own role in the marriage. Forgive your ‘best friend’ this too shall pass
- Don’t Give Up – Your marriage can thrive with the right knowledge.
FAQ: Common Questions About Healing After Online Cheating
Q: Can I heal my marriage after sexting or online cheating?
A: Yes, you can heal your marriage by focusing on your own growth and leading with unconditional love. TMF’s system has helped thousands of women rebuild trust and love after betrayal.
Q: What if my spouse won’t stop the online cheating?
A: He won’t right away. You can still lead the healing process by focusing on yourself. Often, your transformation inspires your spouse to change, as seen in many TMF success stories.
Internal Link: Struggling with trust? Read How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage.
Your Chance to Heal Your Marriage
Sexting or online cheating doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage—it can be the start of a deeper, more loving connection. With TMF’s proven system, you can heal your marriage by mastering your mind, leading with unconditional love, and enrolling in our Course for Women. Don’t wait—start today and share this journey with other women facing the same crisis.