The purpose of marriage is that we learn how to love unconditionally. This is a bottom-line truth. You need to incorporate this core marriage principle in all of your thoughts and actions. Had you done so you never would have needed marriage help of any kind. But we are not taught core principles of marriage, so here we are. Another core truth that is pertinent to your complaint is that marriage is an individual spiritual path (obviously, when we acknowledge love is spiritual and not of the mind). Had you known this and regarded marital challenges as “tests” given you by God, through your wife, you would have been grateful for them. Your life and marriage would be a cosmic dream and harmony would prevail. But nobody teaches us the truths of marriage, or life, for that matter, so, here we are. It’s not too late, though. As a man, you have the power to restore respect and love in your marriage by focusing on your own transitioning. With new marital knowledge, you can begin to nurture the sacred space of your marriage, systematically and permanently. Transitions and changes don’t happen overnight but they are reliable, like fire causing heat or gravity winning every time. Before founding The Marriage Foundation, I worked as a divorce mediator until 2001, witnessing countless marriages falter. I once believed divorce was inevitable for some; no longer. In 2001, a couple asked me, a communications expert, to help save their marriage, and my non-Western psychology-oriented study of marriage turned my perspective upside down. I discovered that nearly every marriage can be revitalized—not by dwelling on issues, but by transforming yourself to embody the husband God intended. Not by asking her “What’s happening?” but by self-change, the correct self-change. What I’m sharing with you is not only the shortcut but the way that works when other ways prove barely helpful.
This article is for men committed to strengthening their marriage and deepening their soulmate connection with their wife. It is a solo effort. You don’t need her to join you—your efforts alone, when applied, will shift the dynamic. At The Marriage Foundation, we’ve helped thousands of men achieve ultimate marital success through our Men’s Marriage Course, which starts with a 3-day free trial and costs less than $10 a week. You get 3 days to see if it resonates with you. If it does you will never look back.
Hi Paul and TMF Team, The perspective and knowledge provided by your course has completely turned my marriage around! All these years I have been waiting for my wife to fix everything that ‘went wrong’ and have been putting blame on her when all along the cause of my suffering came from within, from my own lack of control over the mind/lack of understanding of how it works. I am forever grateful to have stumbled upon TMF
Laurence
Poway CA
Here’s how to rebuild your marriage using universal principles and techniques I’ve discovered to fit marriage “requirements.” We have worked with thousands and continually refined the best applications, all rooted in what we consider God’s desire for your happiness.
Step 1: Eliminate the Three Marriage Killers
You know the three killers of marriage:
1. Overfamiliarity,
2. Poor marital communication skills, and
3. A businesslike approach to your relationship.
These unthought-of attitudes are habits that undermine the sacred space where love thrives. To rebuild respect, address them immediately. Western psychology often suggests analyzing issues, but this stalls progress, and it disconnects rather than unites. Focus on your actions and mindset. I’m not against psychologists, but they use a pseudo-science where marriage is concerned and ignore the core of marriage, love, which they describe as an abstract idea. They unimaginatively define love as tied to sexuality or an increased “like”, not the universal binder of our souls with our soulmate.
Do the following
- Counter Overfamiliarity: Treat your wife as your beloved, not a roommate. Show fresh appreciation—notice her smile, her efforts, her presence. This rekindles the spark of love.
- Improve Communication: Speak from your heart.. Avoid reacting impulsively in conversations. Listen fully, speak with kindness, and aim to connect, not convince. This aligns with learning to love unconditionally.
- Reject a Businesslike Mindset: Marriage isn’t a transaction. Replace routine or obligation with warmth—share a laugh, a touch, a moment of joy. Act from love, not duty.
This discipline is the cornerstone of my book, Breaking the Cycle, which has guided men to transform their marriages (Amazon reviews). Your aim is to become the husband God calls you to be.
Step 2: Cultivate Inner Strength
Respect in marriage flows from her clarity, grounded in universal principles, that demonstrates your understanding of her, her needs, and your appreciation of her. During my years as a guide for men, I saw them struggle. What I taught in live sessions before the creation of TMF with our online courses was in development. Now, what is taught in our Men’s Marriage Course is complete, and backed up with TMF marriage counselors who left the old school behind and now stand ready to help clients through the course. Many of them were themselves couples counselors and therapists who came to us to heal their own marriages.
- Eliminate Anger: Anger includes resentment, sarcasm, or irritation—not just shouting. Western psychology advocates “managing” it; I teach eradicating it by choosing love. Practice gratitude for your wife every day.
- Master Emotions: Emotions aren’t your guide. I show men how to see feelings as fleeting, not truths to follow. This clarity lets you act from love, not reaction.
- Lead with Intention: Husbands should guide their marriage toward joy, even when she is not feeling up to snuff, not through dominance, but through steady, loving actions that show commitment to her happiness.
A course participant said, “In just days, I saw a shift. I focused on my growth, not arguments” (reviews). Your transformation sets the foundation.
I would like to thank you all for your direct and focused guidance. I have great difficulty letting things go. Even things that I cannot control. I have been practicing SEW with every thought (still not even close to being a master), but I can see how it is affecting my way of thinking. I have been rewatching the videos and practicing SEW with my thoughts, and I do notice a more positive thought process within me. There has definitely been a small bit of growth, but I want to dive in and immerse myself in SEW. The biggest change is the fact that previously I would have emailed you all about the happenings of the last night or the past couple of days, and how I felt about things within my marriage, but now I am asking you about myself and how I can grow and better control my mind. Still lots of work to do. Thanks in advance for your help!
Ted
Leeds
Step 3: Infuse Your Marriage with Love
Love is a choice and an action. You can recapture her respect by filling your marriage with positivity through consistent, intentional feelings and thoughts that precede your actions. Forget grand gestures; small, daily efforts create lasting change.
- Act with Kindness: Pay attention to her unspoken needs. listen fully. These show you value her without expecting reward.
- Connect Thoughtfully: Notice what brings her joy, a shared moment, or your full attention. Tailor your actions to her heart.
- Guard the Sacred Space: Your marriage is a sanctuary. Protect it from negativity—avoid complaints, gossip, or mindless distractions.
My book, Lessons for a Happy Marriage, shares how men can rebuild their marriages through daily love (Amazon reviews). A reader wrote, “Paul’s approach is clear and uplifting—wish I’d found it sooner.”
Step 4: Commit for Your Children
Divorce may cross your mind, but consider your children. Studies show it impacts them deeply, increasing risks of emotional challenges, substance use, and early sexual activity (source). Your marriage is your family’s foundation. Restoration is always possible. At The Marriage Foundation, we’ve saved countless marriages with a God-aligned approach.
Step 5: Take Charge of Your Growth
Focusing on self-growth can transform your marriage. Her involvement isn’t needed. Our Men’s Marriage Course provides 12 weeks of video classes, counselor access, and a 30-day guarantee. Unlike Western psychology, which I found lacking as a mediator, this system uses universal laws and love. At less than $10 a week, it’s more affordable than traditional counseling and delivers results. Start with the 3-day free trial.
Step 6: Safeguard Your Marriage’s Future
For lasting change, monitor your habits. The three marriage killers—overfamiliarity, non-marital communication, and businesslike feelings—can creep back without noticing it. Replace them with patiently cultivating your commitment to loving unconditionally. Consistent effort is necessary, it strengthens trust and connection. Like driving requires constant attention so does your thinking.
When distractions arise, refocus on heart-centered intimacy, not sexual intimacy. Shared moments—a conversation, a walk—build the soulmate bond God intended. Your children gain from this too. A loving marriage offers security and models God’s design. Studies confirm that intact families support emotional health (source). Your effort is a legacy.
Step 7: Daily Habits for Growth
Adopt these practices to maintain progress:
- Morning Intention: Begin each day with a prayer to act with love, aligning with God’s vision for your marriage.
- Gratitude Habit: Note three things you value about your wife daily. This keeps her strengths in focus.
- Active Listening: Give her your full attention when she speaks—no interruptions. This fosters respect and connection.
These habits, taught in our Men’s Marriage Course, become natural with practice. One man said, “The course gave me tools—my marriage is thriving” (reviews).
Step 8: Why This System Succeeds
Before founding The Marriage Foundation, I spent eight years working with individuals, perfecting processes to halt destructive habits and revive marriages. Unlike Western psychology’s focus on analysis, my system uses universal laws—love, intention, patience—for consistent results. Like architecture, it builds on proven principles. Thousands have saved their marriages, always exceeding their hopes.
My books, Breaking the Cycle and Lessons for a Happy Marriage, outline these principles. A Breaking the Cycle reader said, “It’s practical and inspiring—exactly what I needed” (Amazon reviews).
Breaking The Cycle Paperback
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars (102)
5.0 out of 5 stars Best Marriage Improvement Book
Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2022
“The beauty of this book is the simplicity. I have read several books on marriage and this is the best. If you cannot handle a very direct approach the process will not work for you. If you follow the wise guidance of the author your marriage and your life will improve. In most cases relationship problems are projection of past patterns from other relationships. If you can focus on yourself and follow the guidance your marriage and your life will get better. I have a graduate degree in counseling and worked in human services for years but anyone can develop a few negative habits that need to get fixed. Good habits are the key to a great marriage and life.”
13 people found this helpful
The Men’s Marriage Course offers videos and counselor support for deeper progress.
Washington
December 31, 2023
I really enjoyed the course. Paul does a good job of breaking down why men act the way they do biologically and gives great examples on how to check yourself, which will lead to loving your wife unconditionally. The men’s course really is helping my marriage and I will continue to work hard to incorporate the sew method. I’ve seen some bad reviews here on this site. If you’re not willing to accept your own role in how you’ve hurt your marriage and only want to blame your spouse, then don’t take this course. You won’t get results. But if you want to save your marriage then there is nothing better for your marriage than The Marriage Foundation. I have a little boy with my wife and I want to show him how to treat a woman and live life full of love. Paul touches on one of the videos on this. I’m very grateful for everything I learned.
Step 9: Your Marriage Deserves Commitment
Challenges are part of marriage, but yours can flourish. God designed it to teach unconditional love, not conflict. By removing confrontation, criticism, and judgment, and embracing love, you’ll restore respect and joy. Our resources guide you—start with the Men’s Marriage Course’s 3-day free trial, or, at a minimum, read Lessons for a Happy Marriage, or explore Breaking the Cycle. Commit to your marriage today.
Step 10: Sustain Your Progress
A strong marriage requires ongoing care. Regularly check for confrontation, criticism, or judgment and replace them with love. If distractions emerge, prioritize intimacy with your wife through time and care. Protect your marriage’s sacred space.
The Men’s Marriage Course offers continued support, with counselors to navigate challenges. Unlike Western psychology’s vague methods, our system provides clear steps. A participant noted, “I thought my marriage was lost—now it’s stronger than ever” (reviews). Loving unconditionally uplifts your marriage and family.
Step 11: Expand Your Vision
As you grow, aim higher. Marriage isn’t just about stability—it’s about joy and unconditional love. Share laughter, dreams, and quiet moments with your wife. These deepen your bond. Your children see this joy, learning what a God-centered marriage looks like. Your work shapes generations.
Closing Thoughts
Your marriage is a soul-to-soul union, a path to loving unconditionally. Restoring respect starts with your growth. Reject Western psychology’s dead ends. Embrace love, transform yourself, and watch your marriage renew. My books, Breaking the Cycle and Lessons for a Happy Marriage, guide you, but the Men’s Marriage Course offers the fastest path. It’s your blueprint for a marriage filled with respect, love, and God’s happiness.