You are not a loser when marriage counseling fails you. It fails most people who try it. But it does not have to be the end of the road.
The majority of people who seek marriage education (The Marriage Foundation) come after they’ve tried the old-fashioned, ineffective, “traditional” route of marriage counseling. They recognize they’ve wasted time, energy, and suffered more because that is where they began looking for a solution for their marital ills.
Individuals or couples who refuse to give up feel frustrated by the marriage counseling process. Most think it too slow, but it’s not; it just goes in a direction with no end nor any positive results for the marriage that needs saving. Most counseling ends in divorce.
Compare it to when you have problems in other areas of your life. When a washing machine starts making a racket, you call an appliance repairman. He shows up, does a quick diagnostic, and charges a fee. He tells you what’s wrong, what it will take to fix it, and how much he is going to charge you. He will also tell you how long his work is guaranteed.
You expect your washing machine to work fine. If it doesn’t, you will be rightfully upset and give the repairman another chance to fix it. If he doesn’t fix it, you will want your money back. You’ll not only want your money back for the work he claimed he did, but you will want your money back for the diagnosis. His diagnosis was obviously inaccurate, and not worth a dime…try that approach with marriage counselors! They will explain all this gobbledygook about the mind, individuals, and blah, blah, blah. In reality, they should tell you they do not know enough about marriage to be helpful, but they can talk about this issue and that.
Washing machines are mechanical devices comprised of parts that function in harmony to create a desired result. If a belt or some other part breaks, you just replace it, then the machine functions again. The number of issues that can arise with a washing machine may be extensive, but not infinite. Whatever the problem, it can be fixed.
Anyone can tell you, with great authority, a marriage is not a washing machine. It does not take a genius to make such an obvious statement. But understanding marriage is not like trying to find the keys to universal questions either.
Fixing a marriage is not that complicated. But it takes you, as an individual or couple, to do the fixing.
With what is known about cause and effect in human interaction, the so-called marital communication problems should be easily identifiable, once you know what to look for– you don’t need an “expert” to tell you not to scream at someone.
Then you can learn all the principles needed to make your marriage splendidly happy. But if you do not know the principles, it is an impossible mission.
Many couples who had already gone to marriage counseling were told their marriage couldn’t be saved. Some couples were told they were incompatible. They were told they did not have what it took for their marriage to work. These are good people who were effectively told they aren’t good enough to have the marriage they wanted. So, most think they were, and still are, either crazy or losers.
They, and you, are neither crazy nor a loser. Today, 98% of people getting divorced shouldn’t. Marriage is not as difficult as the psycho-babblers would have you believe. Is it not just a bit ironic that marriage counselors have a higher rate of divorce than everyone else? Don’t waste your time, money, or throw away your marriage by going to those who think they are experts but have no clue about what keeps a marriage together.
Here Are Five Things You Should Do:
The are very few situations that make saving a marriage a bad idea. Learn to be married. Marital education is divorce prevention for everyone.
