A relationship that leads to marriage is very serious. You’re talking about committing yourself to a lifetime of acceptance and support of another person. Maybe you have put a lot of time and energy into the relationship; maybe you have a sexual connection; met each other’s parents and friends.

But maybe you still haven’t asked the most important questions. Now is a good time to ask, before getting engaged, before you say “I do.”

Wouldn’t you agree the person you commit to for life should meet, or exceed, all things you value most? Far too many people look beyond critical flaws of the person they are with in order to maintain a relationship. In those cases, the relationship, or marriage, is more important than the person. That way spells trouble, because the imagination can only hide the truth for so long.

1. The most important question to ask before getting married is, “Is this the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with?” If the answer is, “No, not really,” it is time to openly and kindly end the relationship. Take some time now, write down the qualities you most admire in a person, then evaluate your soulmate. What are the qualities you admire most? Which qualities do not make the grade? Can you live with those, or do you think they will change? If the not-so-good qualities are deal breakers, you better be honest now before it’s too late.
2. Then you need to ask yourself, “Am I ready to be married?” because dating is nothing like being married. Are you and your partner going to shift into only God-knows-what when the pretenses fall away and you feel comfortable enough to act as your true selves? That’s why waiting at least a year, to truly size each other up, is not just “good” advice, it is critical! Maturity matters.
3. Do we know enough about what each other wants in the future, and are we aligned? Compatibility is not as important as agreement, whether it be how many kids you want or where you will live. Your individual values may seem to line up, but be sure of this before getting engaged.

Once you are married, you will run into what some term “life.” In other words, stuff happens. You want to face life’s challenges head on with your partner, not be challenged by your spouse.

Too many people, even today, jump into marriage without knowing much about it. Even the second time around, people marrying should make the time to study marriage. In fact, premarital education is nothing short of vital.

But what about dating education? Why risk dating someone who is not your soulmate?

Tackling these 3 questions before getting engaged is just the tip of the iceberg.