Obviously this article talks about trusting men to be faithful in marriage. We will try to give you more answers than one, but here is a good place to start. What do you think? Can men be trustworthy husbands?
If you believe Hollywood, young men begin their sexual lives pretty early, and have a ball screwing everything in sight. Then, they eventually find the “girl of their dreams,” get married, and settle down. We need to look at the settling down part.
Adults in movies used to make comments like “go sow your wild oats” to indicate they have to “get it out of their system,” or something along those lines. Do men who have a sordid past settle down? Can they, even if they want to? That’s an important consideration.
As a side note, women have picked up on this line of thinking and they, too, though not in great numbers, are out there “having fun.” It seems like not waiting for marriage to have sex has become the norm. So, for the purpose of this article, we unravel some important points. Remember, men and women approach sex very differently, so the virgin-at-marriage issue is not the focus here.
First, we, as individuals, are products of our habits, not our intentions. This includes both women and men. But we are talking about husbands, right? We are defined by our habits, and habits are easy to make but hard to break.
So, if you meet a man you like and start dating, you need to first qualify him by his habits. There is an old Indian saying, “Don’t listen to their words, watch where their feet are headed.”
Men generally learn how to be good daters, not good husbands (especially with so few intact families), so what they say seems fine for dating goals. But what if you fall in love? Do you want to use their dating goals for finding your husband? No, of course not!
Men are shy for the most part, and, if they had good mothers, feel reluctant to take advantage of a young lady (assume the worst at first). But because of constant bombardment by their biological drives, sex interests them more than marriage.
To make matters more complicated, they are awful at separating intimate sex from casual sex. It is all the same to men, until they are taught, or “trained,” by their wife. Men are at a great disadvantage to women in this area; they, and usually women, don’t know it. Women are tied to their heart, so sex easily becomes harnessed as intimacy.
A woman who has not been promiscuous, who has only had sex with a steady boyfriend, will have a better understanding of intimacy than a loose lady. But even she cannot determine if the guy she dates has the same scruples.
Men who have had sexual experiences with many women have developed the habit of sex, rather than connection. (Good luck with that, guys!) The chances of those men abandoning that habit are about the same as an alcoholic abandoning wine.
Even men who have had fewer intimate partners rarely have experienced intimacy tied to their sexuality. Education in the area of intimacy is almost nonexistent. Men use the primitive, animal part of their mind, not realizing sex is more than a physical act. So, even men who are not as sexually experienced are not sure bets either.
When you date for marriage, your goals and criteria need to be clear. If you know exactly what you want, and we teach about this process in our dating course, you will be fine. But if you go with your passion, or your instincts, or your wishful thinking, guess how much lower the chances of finding a trustworthy husband will be?
You actually have a lot of power over your future marriage. You do not have to be a victim of an unpredictable future. But you have to “do,” not just “want.”