I was a divorce mediator until 2001, who handled too many separations to count. I believed in divorce at the time, but that was the past. I bought into the usual “reasons” as valid until a couple asked me to help them save their marriage. I said I would. I wasn’t a therapist and hadn’t been much exposed to what I now know to be the unrelated-to-marriage world of usual marriage lore. I approached the request clean of any preconceived notions. What I discovered ended my lucrative career as a divorce mediator (which, by the way, is the only way to get a divorce and stand half a chance).

Top Stated Reasons for Getting a Divorce

Here are the most commonly cited reasons, based on key studies:

1. Lack of Commitment (73–75%) – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/
2. Infidelity / Extramarital Affairs (55–60%) – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/
3. Too Much Conflict and Arguing (56–58%) – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/
4. Marrying Too Young / Incompatibility / Growing Apart (39–46%) – https://ifstudies.org/blog/reasons-people-give-for-divorce
5. Financial Problems (20–40%) – https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
6. Lack of Preparation / Unrealistic Expectations (41–45%) – https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
7. Abuse (Physical, Verbal, or Emotional) (23–25%) – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/
8. Substance Abuse (~35%) – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/

Main Sources:

• Scott et al. (2013): https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/
• Institute for Family Studies (2017): https://ifstudies.org/blog/reasons-people-give-for-divorce

Chances are you can relate to at least a couple of the above if you are considering separation or a divorce. But here’s the truth most people never hear: Virtually every marriage can be saved and turned into a happy one — and it only takes one person to start the process.

Our courses are designed for individuals. Even if your spouse has no interest right now, you can learn the skills to transform your marriage on your own.

The Stats Don’t Tell the Story

In my experience, over 25 years at The Marriage Foundation, the vast majority of couples heading for divorce could have had a completely different outcome had they learned what I now teach.

What Getting Married Really Means:

The person you married isn’t just another relationship or choice you made. Your intention when you got married was to love them exclusively for the rest of your life. That is a huge commitment.

You chose to:

• Open your heart and life to them completely,
• Have children with them,
• Trust them with your deepest vulnerabilities,
• And be their best friend and partner through everything life brings.

This is the biggest emotional investment you will ever make — nothing else comes close. That’s why the pain of a failing marriage cuts so deep. It affects your self-trust, your ability to open your heart again, and your belief in your own judgment.

And for most people, there are children involved. The research on how divorce impacts kids is sobering — the effects are often deep, long-lasting, and far more painful than many parents realize.

But here is the good news: You don’t have to go down that road. My experience, and our work at The Marriage Foundation over the past 25+ years, has shown that even very damaged marriages can be completely turned around. You can get through this difficult moment and build the happy, loving marriage you always wanted.

And remember — it only takes one. Our courses are designed for individuals. Even if your spouse is not interested right now, you can start changing the marriage on your own.

Do you want to give your marriage a real chance? Explore our articles, videos, books, and courses below.