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Some people won’t go with anything non-traditional. That’s just the way it is. I honor them. Others are open to anything, and in the world of marriage help, that includes voodoo spellcasters and the like. I don’t regard them as useful. Where I fit in is in the category of “obviously real, but not yet mainstream.” I was a divorce mediator in San Diego until 2001, certainly mainstream, who was asked to help save a marriage by clients who were deeply committed to their family, but were told by their marriage counselor that they didn’t stand a chance. Now, more than 25 years later, with thousands of saves under my belt, I would like to share what I know. This will at least give you something to think about.
The idea of becoming a marriage healer/saver wasn’t something I thought long and hard about. My very first clients asked me to help them because they believed, as most experts did in 2001, that their troubles stemmed from poor communication. I was an obvious choice to help in that department. So, when they asked me, I thought I could help and readily agreed. My therapist friends, with whom I consulted, were very supportive and offered helpful suggestions. Even their marriage counselor, who sent them to me for a divorce, thought it was a good idea. She was a well-known, successful therapist who, as you can see, thought the idea of a non-traditional option was a good idea. So, you might say, that is reason number one for considering non-traditional marriage help. I’ll list it as such –
Which leads one to ask, “How do you know when your counselor isn’t working?” The correct answer is that marriage-help that ‘works’ is unmistakable almost immediately. If you are gaining perspective and are able to implement new behaviors that produce a positive effect, you should happily stay with your counselor. Before we started The Marriage Foundation, I worked “live” for 8 years, perfecting the system that became our online courses. During my sessions, my clients had one ah-ha moment after another. Why did they start seeing things more clearly? Because the biggest part of true marriage help is marriage education.
We help a lot of clients (I prefer not to use the word ‘customer’) who were referred by friends. Let’s be honest, your friend isn’t going to mislead you. If they used something that worked for them, it’s a good bet that it will work for you, too. I have never been dissatisfied in any area when referred to someone by a friend. This, in my opinion, is probably the best. Short of that, we have a ton of testimonials from satisfied users. Can you always trust those? In our case, yes.
I don’t want to use a broad brush here, but the truth is that I’ve pretty much seen it all when it comes to traditional marriage counselors. We have an online course for training clergy, marriage counselors, and coaches, but usually the therapists who decided to specialize in marriages aren’t necessarily the best choices. It’s well known that the overall success rate for marriage counselors is not encouraging.
Not all marriage counselors consider love, God, and souls to be “abstract ideas,” but too many do, and their advice and ideas about marriage are based on what I consider to be non-sustaining qualities. What do I mean by that? I mean that a true view of your marriage is based on the highest form of love. The ancient Greeks called it agape, but that is merely a description. What I found is that the love we build our marriages upon (which is not taught traditionally) is the love of our souls. We all get that, but the traditional marriage counseling world believes love is merely one more emotion.
Fear of failure is a two-edged sword in this case. You don’t want to risk your marriage, the most important thing in your life (not counting God or your children), to some whacky, untested experiment. On the other hand, you don’t want to go the way of so many who have tried the traditional route and end up in divorce court. This is why all of our online courses begin with a 3-day free trial, which then rolls into a 30-day guarantee. I even guaranteed my sessions when I was a live marriage helper. Why not? If what we have doesn’t work for you why should you pay? We want you to be working on your marriage, not worry about the cost of the solution.
