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Do what the mainstream marriage “experts” suggest? like
No, don’t do any of the above. Recalling the “fight or fly” response we all learned about in middle school, we already know that won’t work. What will work is restraining yourself from doing anything until you have a game plan that will work for your desired goal. Let’s break this down into binary choices. That is what I did when I was a divorce mediator before 2001, and I continued doing it when I switched to saving marriages. Simple choices reduce confusing things.
I know this is a loaded question, so I’ll help you navigate it. You may be so angry that all you want to do is never look at him again; I get that. But we need to be practical now, not just emotional. There is too much at stake. There are times/situations when getting a divorce is the right thing to do. For example, if you discover your husband is a physical danger to you or your children. Or if you just found out he is a contract killer, has another secret family, or you have only been married for a short time to a man you have only known for a short time, and he has never been faithful. Those are obvious, so don’t even think about sticking around. Get out quietly, discreetly, and get a restraining order. But what if he is normal and you have children who depend on the family unit for their security? I know I’m not covering everything. It’s only possible to be general. If you want to get into it, you can write to our counselors, which is free.
Recognizing the trendy perspectives about marriage, I’m going to make it clear that The Marriage Foundation is not among their ranks. When I began this marriage-saving project, it was clear to me that saving marriages and turning them good was not really their mission. They worked on assigning blame, compromising, therapizing, and trying various things. The results of over a hundred years of traditional marriage counseling are horrible; over 50% of those who marry also get a divorce. My system, which is based upon universal principles and scientific understanding, like the aforementioned survival instinct, is effective when utilized. The question of why one chooses to remain married can be approached with clarity.
Forget the statistics. Remember those old film clips of the first attempts at flying? Current
mainstream marital lore is like those early flying guys. The “experts” may be well-meaning
and sincere, but they have no idea.
Core universal principles
Understanding gender differences
Understanding God made marriage to be an exceptionally happy thing
Communication skills – marriage-friendly
Understanding marriage as a “thing”
All the basics are important.
“Thank you! You are correct that I was not using the SEW technique during that episode. I was adding fuel to the fire and then my ugly side came out. The next day I wen back to the course and the “this will help you” email. It stopped the “drama”. I did it. His rage melted. He calmed down. It WORKED!!!”
It is a lie that your children will be okay if you separate. You don’t need proof, which is now hidden by search engines. Use your common sense or ask friends raised by a single parent. But don’t sacrifice for them. Learn to be married the right way for them!
“Wow, thank you so much for such a thoughtful response- I’m glad this isn’t some automated message. Those were some really good points, and I will definitely be re-reading that email, so thank you. I will definitely try to apply the SEW to every thought versus just confrontations I have with my husband. Excited to see our life turn around, I’m so ready for that. God bless,”
When you begin to study marriage as a subject, you will see the problems are not him, not you, but a lack of knowledge that got you into this mess. Your investment into the marriage is too big to just walk away from.
“I wanted to say thank you so very much for all of your help and support. I’ve been SEWing and it’s so good. I see a difference in myself, my marriage, and my relationships with my family, friends and colleagues. I never realized how selfish and self-centered I am. Geesh! I actually catch myself – Stop. The arguing has reduced immensely and I catch myself and apologize quickly. I’m trying to own my behavior and my words and think, evaluate, and act with wisdom. It’s getting way better on my end. My husband said you’re changing, sweetheart! I’m really grateful. I have been thinking like this at the office. I’m more patient and trying to be more understanding of the people I supervise. I realized that I was not a very kind of boss. I used to be but then I started to allow my feelings to control my thoughts and actions. Well, I thought I should share.”
I don’t know why your husband sexted, but I do know that if your marriage was functioning as intended, he would not even look at another woman. Does that mean it is your fault? Heck no! He is wrong, and he will pay for that. But you didn’t marry him to be the agent of his earned bad karma. You married him to be his lover, best friend, his soulmate. Instead of walking away or rubbing his nose in the pile of you-know-what he created, decide to make
your marriage a living heaven for the two of you and your kids.You can do this. We want to help you do this. Come to our website-proper and explore. You can thank me later.
“Dear Paul and the TMF Team,
I have already begun your course for Marriage success for Eternal Happiness and Love, but I am taking this opportunity to reach out to say Thank you for your incredible work and mission which will profoundly re-shape the world we live in! I am in week three of The Marriage Foundation Course and would like to share that I too, like many others, am experiencing a nearly seamless, almost quantum state of reconnecting with my Husband resembling the sharing of the best part of ourselves that occurred naturally and authentically at the beginning of our relationship over 20 years ago. The difference being that through this Course I am developing and urged on in growing greater selfless Love and Compassion which is opening the door to a greater understanding of who I truly am and who my Husband truly is– apart from our lower nature– Our authentic selves beginning to shine and intertwine again where we feel a renewed sense of joy, enthusiasm and gratitude for this gift of life, I imagine this as an expression of ‘the two shall become one’. And this along with a stronger desire and acceptance and healing-love but much more deeply and profoundly than in the beginning. And all of this, as well as, a renewed child-like quality of faith and innocence as felt in early childhood including the assurance that everything is bright and possible and will be okay. These recent experiences encourage, strengthen and prompt me to continue to work harder at the Course material which has become clear is more than simply a course but a calling for Life. Thank you so much! The Love of the Most High God be upon you.”
