Most get engaged to the right one. But a lot of couples get engaged before they really know each other.
Some folks follow route based on timelines; dating for a few months; courting for a few months; then finally getting engaged. They are not sure if they are engaged to the right one.
Most couples rarely do the necessary due diligence for selecting a lifetime partner. The truth of the matter is very few men or women have the right kind of list to evaluate their betrothed. They may not be engaged to the right one.
Some have huge doubts, but do not know what to do about it. It is hard to shelve all the plans, hurt feelings, or risk humiliation if you have to end your engagement; I know that. I also know, from too much experience, that a divorce is a much greater negative experience than ending an engagement. Worse is that most couples will try to save their marriage by having children, so divorce destroys little lives, too…very bad!
In some cases, but very rarely, a marriage officiant might see something that is way off, and, with the bride’s, or groom’s, permission, say something. But that is very rare, except in churches where there is a lifelong relationship. That is why I put together a valuable list of things to look out for that is negative; then positive, too. One is for men; and another one for women. Both of you will look at both I hope. Lets see if this confirms you found the right one.
Men- These are some bad signs
- Does your fiance have a relationship with an ex boyfriend, or some other non-relative male? A loyal wife is the only kind you want. Playing games with rationalizing male relationships is a huge red flag.
- Does she drink more than “on occasion”? Women are drinkers, or pot smokers, when they are not happy with who they are. Woman who stay “high” are not who you see, or who she thinks she is. Because a woman’s role in the marriage is that of the “heart” you have a problem already. The heart cannot be who she is if she is escaping.
- Have you caught her in lies? If you have, do NOT expect this flaw to change. I am not talking about little things that are inconsequential, as just about everyone will tell a story to clean up an indiscretion. But lies to hide? Be careful.
Men- These are some good signs
- Is your fiance compassionate? If so, this is a good indicator that she is heart-centered. That quality is most important for you because it balances men’s logic based tendencies.
- Is your fiance supportive, rather than critical? A woman who typically finds fault with others will sooner or later find all of yours, and report them to you maliciously (unless she takes our premarital program).
- Is your fiance respectful of herself and others? Respect is a trait belonging to mature individuals, and is important for a woman who wishes to eventually set an example for little people who you may have as children.
Ladies- These are some bad signs
- Does he express anger towards you? Men must learn that using their male power against their wife is breaking a subconscious contract. It is incredibly destructive to the family.
- Does he drink in excess, or smoke pot regularly? The most important thing for both of you to develop is self control, which we teach in great detail because of its importance. Substances used for escape, or “relaxation” are deadly to will power.
- Does he have interest in your happiness? This may sound strange, but some men are so selfish they cannot tolerate their wife having her own ideas or pursuits. They become jealous and irritated. This is a bad sign of immaturity.
Ladies- Here are some good signs
- Is he a generally happy person? Men who are “naturally” happy are that way because they do not over worry or hide from life’s troubles. They make good partners, who more easily rise to their role as grounder and protector.
- Is he considerate and honest? These are traits that do not materialize after the wedding. A good man already has them.
- Is he even keeled? Men are not supposed to be emotional; that is a burden women innately have. If he has the quality of not getting disturbed by life’s ups and downs he will remain steady; especially when you need his strong shoulder.
Remember that marriages are made by the couple, and they must be built with love and knowledge.