Limerence can go by other names: infatuation, physical attraction, a crush, and, in some cases, love madness, lovesickness, or even erotomania. But as Shakespeare said, a rose by any other name still has thorns that will bite you. Well, what he actually said was, “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” but I’m making an important point—

Your marriage is the most important “anything” in your life.

Cheating hurts everyone: yourself, your spouse, your kids, and even your presumed new flame.

The Straight Shot

I speak to men and women differently, even in our online marriage courses. I don’t mince words with either, but… well, you’ll see for yourself.

For Men Justifying

The slope is slippery. And the slope is more like a cliff.

Once you take the next step, you are in serious trouble. If you have not had sex with her yet, get away from her. Cut all contact. Quit your job if you must, but cut all forms of communication. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is no joke. Mob guys are not as violent or ruthless. The docile little sexy thing will become a monster. We who have compared notes took turns scaring each other with our true stories—ask a cop if you don’t believe me.

What will happen to your family will never be reconciled. You will lose your self-respect, and the chances are over 90% that you and your “flame” won’t make it anyway. You will be a three-time loser.

If you have NOT had sex with her:

• End it right now: Don’t think about it, just do it. You will thank me later.
• Do NOT ever tell your wife any details: It will put a huge burden on her and will likely choke your marriage to death.
• Do NOT offer reasons to the woman: She is willing to destroy a marriage; is that who you want to be with? —when I say cut it off, I mean cut it off completely.
• Scrub her from all devices: Block her, get rid of anything that comes close to being suspect.
• Get on your knees and thank God you didn’t have sex with her.

If you DID have sex with her:

• End it right now: Don’t think about it, just do it.
• Do NOT ever tell your wife any details: It will incredibly complicate your marriage’s recovery.
• Do NOT explain to the woman your reasons: Cut it off completely.
• Scrub her completely: Clean every device, account, and trail.
• Make your peace with God and let Him absolve you: But remember that “discretion is the better part of valor.” Some will tell you that what I suggest is inauthentic or worse. My goal is for you to have a great marriage, and carrying that burden privately is the price you pay to protect your wife’s heart.

Go to our website and sign up for the online course for men.

I promise you that your marriage will improve far beyond any expectation. Take a leap of faith. I’ve been saving marriages for over 25 years. Marriage is a science. When you start the course, you will get it. What’s more, if you stay on the path you are on, you will be throwing your life away for sex. All the other “reasons” are made up by your mind, so you have “permission.” Don’t do it. It isn’t too late. Get the course.

For Women Who Think it’s Real – It isn’t

If you have already had sex with him—even phone sex, or anything remotely sexual—push that out of your reality. The guy does NOT love you. You are being played. Objectively, you are romanticizing while all he wants is a steady piece of you-know-what.

• This is critical – Do not admit to your “past mistakes”: “Opening up” to unburden your conscience at your husband’s expense is a NO NO. If your husband is certain you had sex of any kind, his ego will not allow him to stay with you—this is a 99% certainty.
• Whatever happened, forget the past: Be thorough in cleaning up every single possible piece of evidence.
• Get the online course for women: Refurbish and rebuild your marriage in ways that will keep you happier beyond your dreams—you won’t ever want to look at another man.

Limerence vs. Love

To break free from limerence, you must first understand what it actually is. Limerence is not love. It is an involuntary, mind-generated fixation—a potent mix of fantasy, dopamine, and intoxication. It is a trick of the mechanical mind, confusing intense chemical attraction with genuine connection. You are not so shallow.

The mind is a tool, but when left unmastered, it constructs elaborate rationalizations to justify destructive behaviors. The temporary high of limerence is entirely self-centered; it feeds on “what I feel” and “what I want.”

Real love, by contrast, operates on a completely different plane.

Most people confuse love with various mental and emotional states:

• Increased Like: The novel excitement we feel for something new (“I love my new car”).
• Emotional Affection: The deep, familiar bond we feel for a parent or sibling.
• Agape / Companionship: The deep loyalty and goodwill felt for a dear friend.

All of these are experienced primarily within the realm of the mind and emotions—they fluctuate based on circumstances, moods, and external dynamics. But the love within a true marriage goes far deeper than mental preference.

The Love of Soulmates

You aren’t with your spouse by accident.

One doesn’t have to be particularly religious to understand this. There is a whole spiritual science that underlies human existence, governing concepts like karma, purpose, and spiritual growth. The core question is: How did you end up with the one you are married to?

The short answer is that God is overseeing the details of your life because His desire for you is happiness beyond worldly, temporary pleasures. He wants you to have the one sure thing in life that brings endless fulfillment—unconditional love.

He also knows that as human beings, we are imperfect and need to learn vital life lessons. This is what marriage is all about. You get the carrot – love- and are pushed by the stick of challenges.

Your marriage is a sacred container.

You and your soulmate spouse are placed within this container to learn your own, individual life lessons and to master the art of loving each other unconditionally—beyond the passing whims of emotion, mood, or physical attraction.

The bottom line is that your marriage is way too valuable to walk away from. It WILL produce the happiness and love you are seeking if you follow the correct principles. The problem is that because we live in a material, mind-driven world, the great truths of marriage remain hidden from view.

Limerence promises a cheap, temporary illusion that destroys everything in its path. Marital love offers a permanent foundation of peace, joy, and soul-centered fulfillment. Take this moment as your wake-up call, close the door on the fantasy forever, and focus 100% of your energy on rebuilding your home.