As a seven-year-old, like every other young boy at that age, I was sure if I concentrated enough, I could fly like Superman.
So, I would tie a blanket (my cape) around my neck and stand up on the porch railing. I poured every ounce of focus into my little body and leaped as far into the sky as I could, just like Superman on TV.
When the inevitable “landing” took place, I figured I did something wrong, and gave it another try. I didn’t give up. But I never flew either.
Unfortunately, perseverance, if you want to succeed, does not apply to actions that defy physics. And this is where we need to ask the question:
Are you prepared for your second marriage, or are you about to try defying physics yet again?
- What are you going to do differently this time around?
- What, specifically, did you do wrong in your first marriage?
- Did you actually study anything about courting before you started dating again?
- Have you studied anything scientific about marriage?
- Have you dealt with the kids issue?
There are more questions I can ask, but I don’t want to overwhelm you and make you think your marriage is in trouble. (But it probably is.)
You can ensure your new marriage will work. The idea of this article is to inspire, or scare you if that works, into learning more about marriage than you knew during the first one. Too many people blame their ex, or some life circumstance, for their first marriage failure. And I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “we were too young and stupid.”
So, are you now “older and stupid”? The statistics state more second marriages fail than first ones. Because, and here is a life lesson you should remember, no matter how many times you try something that will not work, it will still never work. You can quote me (or the millions of others who have put it differently) on that!
General advice for soulmates trying for the second time around is easy. Stick to this and you can have a good marriage:
- Never take your spouse for granted. ā It is too easy to take advantage and take for granted. Don’t do it. The word for changing yourself instead of having expectations of your spouse is “maturity.”
- Never put your own needs and/or desires ahead of your spouse’s. ā Selflessness is the greatest ideal to constantly strive for in your marriage. It will reap great rewards in unexpected ways. Selflessness is a key virtue in marriage.
- Make your commitment a life or death vow, no matter what. ā Commitment is not something your spouse has to earn. It is about your own integrity and substance.
Not everyone will go the extra mile to actually study marriage. But you should. Marriage is complex and complicated. It is the most rewarding of all relationships, but you need to know how it works, so you can create a successful marriage. You can be prepared for your second marriage as long as you put the effort in.
This time around you have the same opportunity to have the best marriage ever. Don’t blow it. Don’t be so crazy, or lazy, that you think you know enough about marriage; make sure you do. It is easier than having to find articles on third marriages. That’s for sure.