8 Do’s and Don’ts To Make Time With Your Husband More Meaningful

by Paul Friedman
Unlocking the Science of Marriage: Paul Friedman’s Journey from Divorce Mediator to Marriage Savior
Discover the revolutionary practical science of marriage through the inspiring journey of Paul Friedman, a former successful San Diego divorce mediator. Explore articles and videos by Paul, available on YouTube, covering a wide range of topics to help individuals rediscover lost happiness in their failing marriages.
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Time is a luxury that few of us have enough of, and there is no way to create more, short of giving up on sleep. Between our kids, jobs, and the usual day-to-day stuff that seems to consume us, where is some time for you and your husband? He is tired when he gets home. If he is like most men, as soon as he walks through the door, he plops himself in front of the TV to catch up on the news. Most husbands don’t even ask what happened to you, or how your day went. If the truth was known, most husbands get annoyed when you ask how their day went…it’s true. Sure, in theory, you can get his attention by dressing up like a 50s TV actress standing in your heels washing dishes with your hair done but in our modern day where distractions, okay, mindless distractions, from phone games to political debates, rob us of our most precious moments…the time spent with your soulmate.

Most people blame the pace of our lives and don’t give it a second thought simply going through the routines of a brief hello, eating together if you are lucky, and then…crashing. Is that it? Is that good enough? Well, I don’t think so and I don’t think it’s what you want, either. The time you get to spend with your soulmate is supposed to be precious, the moments as irreplaceable as the memories of your first meeting, when he proposed, and when your heart exploded with love for him the very first time. That’s why I put together this list of do’s and don’ts, so you can have it all, all the time.

If what I share with you seems somewhat esoteric or idealistic it means you need tis more than you thought. Let’s go!
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#1 DO…Remember That You Married Your Soulmate

When I was a divorce mediator, back in the early 2000’s I paid attention to the underlying causes of failed marriages. At the time I wasn’t married but didn’t want to blow it again. Do you know what I saw was the number one condition that hurt every relationship? When we get used to each other and take each other for granted it is called overfamiliarity. Couples who got married, because they fell deeply in love with their soulmate, end their marriages with just “someone.” They took each other for granted so much that you couldn’t even tell they were once in love. So, make it a point, every morning and every night, let the first and last thoughts you express be grateful prayers that you found each other. Keep the love alive! Make it a point to remember.
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#2 DO NOT…Forget The Depth of Your Love

In our crazy world, it is considered okay to use God in our curses but somehow offensive to suggest anything close to ‘spiritual’ because people might be offended that we are “religious.” Well, let me be the first to shout out from the rooftops that we are essentially souls, and therefore essentially love, and not just a bag of flesh and bones directed by a restless mind. Our true nature is love, nothing more ‘spiritual’ than that, and nothing more important to us and our overall happiness. The love you feel for your husband is pure. Keep it that way! Never allow the love to be tainted with the frailties of human nature. This is especially true and important to remember when you’re tempted to be critical of him. Remember the love that once carried you to the heavens. It is still there.

#3 DO…Remember What Your Husband Likes

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Do you go with the love of the soul or the pettiness of the ego? Because that is what it boils down to. The soul joyfully manifests love in all ways selfless, while the ego is selfish. Considering, like you did when you first dated, what your husband is turned on by, and I don’t mean just physically, is important to act upon. Excuses are plentiful when we are wondering if he shouldn’t be doing the same for you but what would you say to that if one of your kids said that? If you have a hard time with this proposition, then your marriage is already sliding away from under you. If you love this idea, you are in pretty good shape.

#4 DO NOT…Forget Your Husband’s Unspoken Needs

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I never refer to having intercourse as a duty upon the wife because that reduces it to a lower, psychophysiological need that a wife is obligated to perform, and that is missing the whole point of elevating every action to an act of love, especially sex. Taking advantage of a man’s sexual drive to connect at the heart level by using the body as a conduit, is such a beautiful gift…when seen rightly. You have the opportunity to transform the common lower ideas of sex into a beautiful spiritual opportunity to connect your love. Take full advantage of your husband’s drive. Great joy awaits those who understand it.

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#5 DO…Stay In a Positive Mindset

Moat people think they are in a good mood or a bad mood because of this, or that. “Oh, that guy made me so mad, I could scream”! Nice try! You have free will, don’t you know? That means that if you choose to be happy, nothing or no one can make you unhappy. Those who walk around gloomy all the time are like psychological skunks that nobody wants to be around, and those who are on emotional roller coasters, sometimes up and sometimes down, make those around them nervous because they never know what will set them off. But those who maintain a positive and calm mindset are like honey to bees. Everyone, especially your husband, will cancel meetings just to be able to spend more time with you.

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#6 DO NOT…Dump Your Problems On Your Husband

One of the biggest mistakes people make, thanks to psychological theories meant to pander to clients, is to think that dumping your fears, worries, and complaints, on those closest to them, your soulmate, is being “open.” No, it is not being open in a way that brings you together, nor does it lessen your burden. It is only going to cause more of the things that are unwelcome in anyone’s mind. Neither you nor he wants to entertain thoughts that are unhappy or worrisome. Hold off on anything that will “take the fun out of being together.”

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#7 Do…Remind Him He is The Greatest

In as many ways as you can think of always let him know that if you had to do it all over again, he would be your first and only choice. The road to heaven is paved with loving acknowledgments. There is no need to be shy when it comes to telling him how handsome and smart, he is. Never hold back telling him how much he turns you on (important to men) and how much you love him. You cannot say it too often.
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#8 DO NOT…Call Him Out On His Flaws and Errors

Back to overfamiliarity with this one. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, has the right to point out another’s flaws and errors yet misguided people do it all the time, not realizing how much damage they are causing to their relationship. Some argue this point but that is only because they think it does some good. But there is zero benefit, no matter what. You married your soulmate, not a saint. If something really bothers you it is always a weakness in your own ego that makes you sensitive. Working on ourselves is always correct. Working on your husband is never correct. Work, instead, on cultivating your devotion and opening your heart to him.

Marriage in the future will not be plagued by the misconceptions and crazy fixations that drive most of today’s marriages to the brink and to divorce. We at The Marriage Foundation are so glad when we help people elevate their marital experiences to the realms of love, joy, and harmony. Marital bliss is real and you can have it. For you we offer our prayers and our guidance.
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